


My Cure

by Samantha114



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Army!Dean, Cook!Cas, F/M, M/M, Mentions of PTSD, Mentions of past AllistairxDean, Mentions of past relationship abuse, gay!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-04-06 18:23:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4232085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samantha114/pseuds/Samantha114
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's gotten out of the army after serving for six long years. When he gets back, though, he's broken. PTSD rules his life both awake and alseep. He thinks it will only get worse while staying with Jess and Sam, but that's before he meets Castiel, the owner of a small restaurant. Will Dean find a way to get back to his former self or will the memories of war stay with him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Out of the Flames and into the Fire

Dean took a deep breath in the airport. Somehow, to him, the breath felt new and rejuvenating. It was his first breath as a civilian. No more did he have to feel the weight of a gun in his hands or hear the screams of his enemies and comrades. He could live a mundane life with mundane things, and, at this point in his life, it’s all he really wanted.  


He spotted his brother Sam in the sea of people; it was kind of hard not to—the guy was moose. He was taller than nearly everyone there. When he got a little closer, Sam spotted him and Dean saw his bright smile from where he stood.  


He broke out in a full sprint to Dean. In a few, quick passing seconds, he was bashed into by 200-something pounds of pure Sam and enveloped in a warm, smothering bear hug. Dean chuckled and hugged his little brother back. Sam squeezed harder.  


“Sammy…can’t breathe…” Dean rasped. Sam quickly let go, the grin on his face spreading even wider.  


“How are you? Are you hungry? When are you going back?” Sam’s questions were on rapid fire and Dean saw that he was beginning to go into hyper mode.  


“Woah Sammy, one question at a time,” They had started walking out of the airport lobby and out to Dean’s beloved Impala which he’d entrusted to Sam in his absence. “I’m fine, I’m starving, and I’m not going back. I’ve been discharged,”  


Sam’s smile faded a little. “Discharged? Did something happen?”  


A morose expression took over his face and Dean made his eyes focus on anything but his brother, looking around at all the people and various stands. He didn’t want to have this conversation now. “Nothing happened,” he looked back to Sam who seemed utterly unconvinced. Dean resigned, knowing that he would see through any lie he attempted to tell. “We’ll talk later,” he said finally. Sam seemed pleased by the answer, so Dean put his smile back on. “Anyways, what’s for lunch? Will there be pie?”  


Sam laughed as they walked into the bright California sunlight. “ I was thinking we could go to a local place that Jess and I go to a lot. And yes, there will be pie,”  


Dean looked excited, but tried to stay focused on catching up with Sam. “So where are you and Jess living now that you’re done with Stanford?” They walked through the taxi crowded parking lot, maneuvering through the nearly bumper to bumper cars.  


“The firm I work at is in San Francisco and Jess works at the hospital there so we have a small house about 10 minutes away from the city,” Dean moved his bag to his other hand and it was then that Sam really noticed how little Dean had. The large duffel bag was all he seemed to have, “and, you know, Jess and I were talking and she all for having you stay with us for a little bit until you can get a place,”  


“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, I mean, I wouldn’t want to intrude in on you guys. I could figure something out, really—”  


“Dean,” Sam interrupted, making them both stop on a sidewalk, “tell me what’s going on. Seriously, I care about you and I want to help,”  


“I have nightmares. Terrible nightmares that make me scream and—” he shook the thought away as if it were too horrible to even think about, “and sometimes, I have flashbacks during the day. When I hear something or see something that reminds me of it, it’s like I get sucked in. I don’t want to cause you and Jess any distress because of it,”  


“Nothing is too much for us to handle, but have you considered seeing someone about it?” Sam’s expression was exactly what Dean didn’t want; worry and sadness.  


“What, so I can get anti-whatevers shoved down my throat?” Dean’s voice rose slightly, but the men on his squad asked him the same thing, all privately no less, and frankly, he was tired of being asked if he needed a shrink, “I just want to live the rest of my life in peace. In fact, all I want right now is to get a good burger and some pie, so can we go?”  


“Alright, but please consider staying with Jess and I. I’ve hardly seen you at all in 6 years and I miss you,” Whether he realized it or not, Sam gazed at him with those damn hazel puppy eyes. He gave a silent curse. Even when they were growing up, Dean had never been able to say no to the puppy eyes.  


“Alright fine!” Dean caved. Sam beamed and brought Dean in for another hug.  


Dean pulled away after a few seconds, “Alright enough with the emotion-y moments. I want to see my baby and eat some pie so let’s get a move on Sammy!”  


Sam rolled his eyes and they walked at a quicker pace until they made it to the Impala. Dean’s eyes lit up for the first time in years. He ran to it and all but threw himself on it. He stroked the glassy black paint and looked like he was in heaven. Sam popped the trunk and Dean threw his bag in, still transfixed with his car.  


“How’s she been running?” His voice was serious and Sam resisted the urge the laugh at his obsession with the car.  


“Great. I haven’t had a problem with it at all,”  
“ _Her _, Sam! She’s a her, not an _it _!” Sam couldn’t hold it in and let out a small laugh.  
____

Dean shot him a glare and Sam held his hands up. “Sorry, sorry! It’s just nice to see you back to your old self,”  


He rolled his eyes and held out his hand. Sam took the car keys out of his pocket and handed them to Dean who practically jumped into the driver’s seat. He put the key in and turned, smiling so brightly at the sound of the engine roaring to life that Sam thought his face might split in half.  


He got out of the parking lot and on to the open road as fast as he could. Dean was having the best time he’s had since before his last tour began. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d smiled so much. The windows were down and the warm California whipped around the car, smelling of something new and exciting.  


It was when he hit the first stop sign that he realized he had no idea where he was supposed to be going. “Where to, Sammy?”  


“It’s a place just off the freeway and it has the best pie and burgers. Jess and I have joked about it being your heaven on earth,” Sam smiled like he was hiding something. “And I’m friends with the owner. He’s single. And gay.”  


“Very subtle Sammy, but just because I’m out doesn’t mean you can set me up with all of your gay friends,” Dean took the exit and looked around at the various small shops and stores. The buildings were all different shapes, sizes, and colors. Everything was so amalgamated—a sharp contrast to the boring, dull buildings in the small Kansas town that he and Sam grew up in.  


“It’s right here,” He gestured to a white and blue building that had a sign reading ‘ _Heaven’s Food _.’ It looked nice enough to Dean. He parked, but Sam made no move to get out. “Listen Dean, I’m not trying to meddle, but I just want you to be happy. I have Jess and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. Maybe a relationship would be good for you,”  
__

“I’ll think about it, alright? Now let’s stop worrying about dudes and start worrying about pie.” They both finally got out of the car. When Dean opened the glass door, a small bell sound went off, making the man behind the counter turn around.  


Even Dean had to admit the guy looked good. He had dark, messy hair and eyes that were bluer than any ocean he’d ever seen. His build was stocky, but still lean. The guy was looking directly into Dean’s eyes and the latter couldn’t break the gaze. Finally, Sam clapped him on the back and he was jolted out of his staring contest with the guy.  


“Hey Cas!” Sam greeted, strolling up to the counter easily. He gave the man, evidently Cas, a firm handshake and a smile.  


“How are you Sam?” He opened the pie display case and placed a fresh pie in it. At this point, Dean couldn’t tell what was making him salivate more—the pie or Cas.  


“I’m good, actually, I have someone I want you to meet,” Sam gestured to Dean. “Cas, this is my brother Dean, Dean this is Castiel, or as I call him, Cas.”  


Cas outstretched his hand and Dean gladly took it. It was a little rough in some places, probably from burns and what not, but it was also soft and warm. Their eyes were locked again and it seemed like they were there forever, their hands and eyes connected until Sam cleared his throat.  


Dean abruptly pulled away and broke their eye contact. “Nice to meet you man,”  


Castiel looked away as well, trying to focus on something else. “Likewise,” His flickered to Dean’s as he said it, but he was quick not to linger, “what can I get you two today?”  


“Dean is new to the area, so I was hoping I could prove to him that your place has the best burgers and pie in the city,” Cas smiled at Sam’s compliment.  


“I don’t know about that, but I like to think that I’m a good cook,” he handed Sam a menu, but he didn’t even glance at it.  


“We’ll take two bacon barbeque burgers and two thick slices of your freshest apple pie,” Sam didn’t miss a beat.  


“Coming right up. Just go ahead and take a seat anywhere,” Cas disappeared into the back. Both brothers sat down at a small table near the counter.  


“I told you he was great,” Sam told Dean, folding his on the table.  


“He seems like a nice guy,” Dean tried his best to be as vague as possible.  


“Oh come on, you two were practically eye raping each other!” he nearly yelled. Right about now, Dean was grateful that they were the only ones in the restaurant.  


“I don’t even know the guy, okay? Let nature take its course, Sammy,” Dean looked idly at the menu, trying to distract himself.  


“You and I both know that’s just code for ‘let me be a coward’ but if you’re set on doing this slow, then I won’t interfere—”  


Dean sighed in relief, “Thank you,”  


Sam smiled. “—that much,”  


Dean glared. “Bitch,”  


“Jerk,” Sam chuckled a little as Cas came out with the food.  


He set down the plates. “Enjoy,”  


“Thanks Cas,” Sam said.  


Dean would’ve said thank you if his mouth wasn’t full of the best burger he’d ever tasted. The buns melted in his mouth and everything on the burger was delicious. The bacon was thick cut and the lettuce, tomato, and onion were so fresh and crisp. The thick beef patty was the best thing though. It had that wonderful grilled taste and brought the whole bite together in his mouth. It was heaven.  


“Oh my God,” Dean’s mouth was stuffed, so it didn’t come out very clearly, “this is so good!”  


Sam seemed genuinely pleased. Dean inhaled the burger and moved on to the pie. If the burger was heaven, then this pie was absolutely orgasmic. The flaky, golden crust and warm apple filling bounced around on his tongue, the wonderful tartness and sweetness hypnotizing him.  


“Hey Cas,” Dean called, his mouth still half full.  


“Yes Dean?”  


“Do you make these pies yourself?” He stuffed another forkful in his mouth.  


“I make everything from scratch, yes,” He worked on some papers and wouldn’t meet Dean’s eyes.  


Dean didn’t reply. He just stared at the man in disbelief. He was hot AND he could bake pie? Dean was so beyond screwed.


	2. Miracles and Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good news for Sam and Jess prove to be amazing, but even in the light of miracles, his own personal hell from the battlefield still follow him like a plague.

Sam and Jess’s house was beautiful. It was a two story with four bedrooms and three bathrooms. On the outside, it was charming. The stucco exterior was a mauve color and was accentuated by the brick lining near the bottom of the house.

Jess was next to the door and her face lit up when she saw them. She ran over and enveloped Dean into a hug. He picked her up and spun her a bit, kissing her cheek when he set her down. “Hey Jess,”

“How are you doing?” Jess kept her hand around Dean’s shoulder.

He smiled half-heartedly. “I’m great,”

The look on Jess’s face told Dean that she wasn’t buying it. She wrapped him in another hug and stood on her tip toes so that she could whisper in his ear. “That’s bullshit, we’ll talk later,”

Dean sighed. He should’ve known better than to try to lie to Jess; she always had an uncanny ability to see right through people. He simply nodded and Jess led them both inside. Dean automatically went to the fridge to grab a beer for him and Sam. With two cold ones in hand, he followed Sam out to the living room and Jess soon followed with a glass of water in hand.

“You’re not having a beer?” Dean questioned, taking a sip of his.

Jess smiled and shook her head and gave him the classic ‘just go with it’ look. “You two took the last of them,”

Dean scrunched his eyebrows. When he grabbed the two he did, there was still another one left.

Sam stood and grabbed his keys. “I’ll go get some more. If you want, you can take the rest of mine,”

Jess took a gulp of her water. “Okay, babe,”

When he left, Dean was pretty sure he knew what was going on. “So how far along are you?”

She nearly choked on her water. “What? No it’s not like—”

“There’s another beer in the fridge, Jess. In the few years I’ve known you, you’re not one to turn down a beer with us,” He chuckled a little and shook his head, “and you certainly wouldn’t turn it down for water,”  


Jess looked down at the glass of water. “Two weeks,”  


Dean beamed. “That’s amazing! I’m going to be an uncle! Does Sam know?”  


Tears started to come to Jess’s eyes. “I’m afraid to tell him,”  


“What?” Dean sat up completely straight, startled by Jess’s response.  


“He said a while ago that he wasn’t sure about kids because of how you two grew up,” She wiped a stray tear away, “I think he’s afraid he’ll end up like him,”  


“That’s horseshit. Our father isn’t even a sliver of the man that Sam is. I tried to keep him away from our dad as much as I could, but he probably remembers more than he’s told me,” He took another swig of beer, an indecipherable expression on his face, “I’ll his talk to him, alright?” He looked at her seriously, “but you have to tell him soon,”  


She nodded and wiped her tears as a key turned in the deadbolt. Sam came in, a six pack in hand. Jess took it from him and put them in the fridge. “Hey babe, I’m going to lay down for a bit, I’m not feeling well,”  


Sam gave her a quick kiss. “You okay?”  


“Yeah, I’m fine. You should catch up with Dean anyway,” She laid her head on his chest.  


“If you’re sure. I love you,” He ran his hand through her blonde ringlets.  


“Love you too,” She pulled away and headed down the hall to their room.  


“So Sammy,” Dean began, finishing up his beer, “have you thought about kids?”  


Sam looked a little surprised, but pensive at the same time. “I don’t know man. The dad was…I don’t want to be that way,”  


Dean bowed his head, a small amount of anger taking over. “Let me tell you a little something about John Winchester. He was an abusive bastard whose main concern was beer and women. You are so much better than him Sammy,” Sam was speechless. Dean rarely ever talked about their dad. He shook his head slightly and continued, “He wasn’t always that way. When mom was still alive, he was a good dad. I mean, he wouldn’t have won father of the year, but he wasn’t as bad as he was.” He reached across and gripped his shoulders tightly. “You will not be a bad father. That kid will have the best dad ever,” Dean smiled widely, but it faded when he saw Sam’s confused look.  


“What you mean ‘that kid’?” Sam asked.  


Dean was at a loss. “I mean uh, one day when you guys want—”  


Jess walked back out from the hallway, probably never even leaving earshot of the guys. “It’s alright Dean,”  


He gave an apologetic smile, “Sorry Jess,”  


“Will someone tell me what’s going on?” Sam demanded, looking back and forth between Jess and Dean.  


“Sam, I’m pregnant—2 weeks along now,” She laughed a little, “It took about five minutes for Dean to guess. I didn’t know how you would react so I wanted to wait until the right time,”  


Sam was in a state of shock. He slumped, hitting the back of the couch. “I’m going to be a dad?” he muttered quietly.  


Jess walked over and sat next to him and nodded. “Yeah,” more tears came down her cheeks. Sam brought her into a tight hug and motioned for Dean to join them. He began to shake his head but Sam shot him a look and he eventually merged with them.  


Despite the fact that Sam and Jess were bawling like babies (for good reason Dean acquiesced) he hadn’t felt this much at home in years. He felt safe, and, to an ex-soldier, that’s a pretty big feat.  


After their group hug session, Dean yawned. “I think I’m going to turn in,” He grabbed his duffel bag off the carpet where he’d set it when he came in.  


Sam got up from the couch. “Sure, I’ll show you your room,” He led Dean upstairs to the second door on the right. It was a fairly large room with a double bed in the corner. A side table and a lamp was against the opposite wall and the walls themselves were a calming beige color.  


“Thanks for this Sam,” Dean threw his bag on the bed, “and in case I didn’t tell you, congrats,”  


“Anytime, and thanks,” He patted him on the shoulder and began to leave. “Goodnight,”  


“Night.” Dean changed into a pair of sweats and a ripped up ACDC T shirt. He slipped beneath the thick comforter and prayed that he wouldn’t have any nightmares tonight.  


_The coldness and darkness was way too familiar. The cold metal in my hands was both a relief and a threat. The smell of gunfire and blood felt like coming home and navigating myself through the foliage of a foreign land was as easy as riding a bike _  
__

_I exited the trees and was suddenly in a meadow. The members of my team faced a swarm of enemy troops. I watched as each one of them got slaughtered, just like that day all those months ago. I tried pulling the trigger but it wouldn’t budge. I tried to take the gun apart and fix the problem, but I couldn’t do anything with it._

_When I looked back up, it had gotten down to the last of my team. Benny and Cole persevered despite being completely outnumbered and alone. Two enemy soldiers grabbed them. They kicked their legs out from underneath them so that they were on their knees. With a sword in hand, the man behind Cole made one clean slice and completely decapitated him._

_I screamed. I tried and tried to pull my trigger, but to no avail. When I attempted to run over to them, my legs wouldn’t move. I was fixed in that spot, forced to watch my last friend get slaughtered._

_The man behind Benny raised his sword. “Benny!” I shouted. I screamed and yelled, but no one heard me. He was killed in the same manner as Cole and my eyes began to water. “No, no, no,” I cried._

“Dean! Dean! Wake up!” A voice yelled. Dean sat up quickly, looking around to see Jess and Sam’s worried expressions.

“Sorry, I uh, I had a bad dream,” Dean wiped the cold sweat and the remnants of tears from his face.

Jess sat down. “No. You had PTSD episode. There’s a difference,” she put her hand on his shoulder, “why didn’t you tell us?”

“I just didn’t want to see that look of pity from anyone else—especially not from you two,” He sat up and rubbed his eyes.

She kissed the top of his head. “When you’re ready, Sam and I are here to listen,”

“Thank you Jess,” She nodded and Sam followed her out of the room. When Dean’s head hit the pillow again, he knew that he couldn’t stay here. He knew it would be selfish to hold them back. Sam was going to be a father and the last thing he needed was his damaged brother causing problems. First thing tomorrow, he had to find a place of his own. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how long this is going to be, but hang in there. I will try to update everyday if I can!


	3. A New Roomie?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It started with pie...

Dean didn’t sleep a wink the rest of the night. He was too terrified that when he closed his eyes again, he would be forced to witness the other atrocities of war that he’d rather forget. When the first peaks of sunlight permeated the room, he got up and got dressed quickly, deciding that he was in desperate need of pie. A glimpse of a hot cook named Cas wouldn’t hurt either.

He was as quiet and stealthy as he could manage when coming downstairs and to the door. He looked around when he reached the first floor, relieved to see that no one was awake yet. Armed with nothing but his wallet and his keys, he set out to the restaurant they were at yesterday.

The Impala clamored to life and Dean basked in the sound. For once he wasn’t waking up to gunfire or screaming. The purr of the car as he drove along the sparsely populated early morning road put him at ease.

Luckily for him, it was open. It was a ghost town when he came in. The bell that ran when he opened the door echoed through the whole space, giving it an eerie feeling. The scent of hot, savory food was absent and there didn’t seem to be anyone in here. Then, like a whisper, the smell of something sweet and familiar wafted through the dining area. As the fragrance became more pronounced, Dean soon identified it as apple pie. It completely comforted him, reminding the man of simpler, happier times.

His reverie was interrupted when Cas came from the kitchen, placing what looked to be the apple pie on one of the cooling racks. He looked surprised to see Dean. His apron was dusted with flour as was his hands and cheeks. He wiped his hands on his apron and used his sleeve to get some of the flour off his face.

“Good morning, Dean,” His voice was deep and smooth, somehow more so than Dean had remembered it being the day before, “what can I get you?” 

“How about a slice of fresh apple pie?” Dean began to drool at the thought of it. The crust was so flaky and buttery and the filling…oh God the filling. Dean was convinced it could captivate even the most jaded of appetites.

“Coming right up,” He watched as Cas divided up the pie with a slicer. Slicing pie definitely shouldn’t be sexy, but that’s the word that came to Dean’s mind. 

He took off his apron and brought over the plates. “Two?” Dean questioned. He placed the slightly larger slice in front of Dean. 

Cas sat down opposite from him. “I was going to sit and eat with you if it’s alright,” He picked up his fork and began to load up a piece, “It would be nice to get to know you since you’re new to town,” He took the bite, his full lips lingering on the fork for what dean deemed longer than necessary. If he didn’t know any better, he’d have said that Cas was doing it on purpose. 

Dean nodded since his mouth was too full to reply back to him. Cas just smiled and continued after he’d swallowed his forkful. “So do you need help finding anything? I’ve lived here my whole life so I know this city like the back of my hand,” 

Dean finished chewing and set the fork down. “Do you know where there are any inexpensive apartments? I’m looking to stay and I need a place to live,” He picked the fork back up and scooped up the last bite of pie into his mouth. 

“Actually, I’m looking for a roommate right now if you’re interested,” He took yet another lingering bite. 

Dean wanted to consider it, but he knew he’d just be in the same predicament he was in now. “I don’t know man, I’m not really roommate material,” he fiddled with his fingers and looked down at the plate in front of him. 

Cas laughed. “Trust me, you’ll find me to be the least judgmental person ever,” 

“Well—” 

A loud noise from outside the building interrupted Dean and right away, he knew it was a gunshot. The present world fell away then, thrusting Dean into an episode from the past. 

_The body of water really wasn’t that big, but it may as well as been an ocean at the moment. Naturally I was in charge of the young, inexperienced team. I thought I was taking a shortcut to our base through the small river, but I was so wrong. Now here we were under gunfire from enemies shielded by the thick forest brush. ___

_We were without cover and protection and it was all my fault. The team’s screams were all I could hear. I kept trying to scream at them to get under water and swim to the bank, but it seemed that no one could hear me. Bullets picked them off one by one and I couldn’t do anything but scream. I was fixed to the spot I was in, watching them get slaughtered. The worst part of it all was that I didn’t even know most of their names. Here these kids were fresh out of boot camp just to get massacred by me. The gunfire began to cease and when I looked around, the once blue water was stained red. ___

The world came back into focus and all he could register was hot tears on his face and warm arms around him. Cas was muttering reassurances in his ear. “It’s okay Dean. You’re here not there. I’ve got you,” 

Dean relaxed into his arms. He barely knew the man, yet he felt completely safe in his embrace. Cas felt him relax and pulled away. Dean looked around to see a few chairs in disarray and a table out of place. “I’m sorry,” he told Cas. He fixed a few of the chairs near him, trying to busy himself with something. 

“Is this why you don’t think you’re roommate material?” Cas began to help him put chairs back into place. 

“This is nothing, trust me. At night I have terrible nightmares. I usually wake up screaming and I usually can’t find anything to keep them away,” Dean looked everywhere except Castiel’s face, turning his attention to anything except him. 

“I’m sorry I gave the impression that having a disorder you got while serving _my fucking country _would dissuade me from wanting you as a roommate, because that is most certainly not the case,” Dean was a little shocked. It was the first time he’d heard Cas curse.__

“I made terrible choices and got people killed—,” He looked up to keep from shedding tears again. “I let so many people who depended on me down. I got them killed. They had families and kids and futures and I took that away!” 

Cas tilted his head slightly, “I don’t see what that has to do with—” Suddenly, a look of understanding overtook his expression, “I see now—you don’t think you deserve to live your life.” 

Dean closed his eyes for a second, thinking about how true it was. Why did he get to live while the rest of them died? Instead of delving deeper and getting emotional, he changed the subject. “Why do you need a roommate anyway? It looks like you make pretty good money from this,” 

Cas frowned but answered anyway. “My brother Gabriel is moving out with his fiancée and I want someone to live with,” 

“Why me?” Dean finally met Cas’s blue ones and he for once, he didn’t see pity concern in them. 

“Because you’re Sam’s brother and, despite only having met you yesterday, I trust you,” They stared at each other for an immeasurable amount of time. 

Dean decided to be selfish. “How much is rent?” 

“How much can you afford?” Cas still kept his eyes on Dean’s. Usually by this time, Dean would have been squirming under the scrutiny of a gaze like his, but it felt comfortable. Rather than intimidate or judge him, Cas _felt _him. He felt the damage and the pain and accepted him, but not out of charity. It was simply a connection between he and Cas and damn Dean loved the way it felt.__

“Don’t worry about it. Name your price,” Dean couldn’t afford much, but he was too prideful to tell Cas that. 

Cas sighed knowing that he wouldn’t get anywhere with Dean this way. “300 a month. That includes rent, utilities, cable, and food,” 

Dean was shocked. As it stood now, he received four times that amount a month and he hadn’t even found a job yet. “Are you sure you don’t want more?” It was almost too good to be true in Dean’s book. 

“I don’t even really need the extra money, but so far, you don’t seem like a person who’d agree to live with me rent free,” 

Dean huffed a little in agreement. He was still waiting for the catch. Good things were seldom and when they did make an appearance, they never came more than one at a time. But lo and behold, here he was getting a cheap housing offer from a hot guy who didn’t care about his disorder and made an apple pie that was better than sex. The dark cloud had to come sooner or later. 

“Okay. When do I move in?” Dean questioned despite his doubts. 

Cas gave him a true genuine smile and Dean couldn’t help but want to see more of them. It lit up his entire face and made his eyes look like smoldering sapphires. Happiness radiated off of him and honestly, it was a feeling that Dean could get used to. “My morning employee Hannah will be here in about 30 minutes so you can get your stuff and meet me back here and we can go. I didn’t drive today so I can just ride with you if that’s alright,” 

“Do you live close?” If he was able to get to work with no car, maybe he could live close to Sam too. 

“I live about 5 miles from here,” he replied simply. 

Dean raised an eyebrow. “Did you take a bike or something?” 

“Bicycle touring is a hobby of mine, but no,” he said, “I ran,” 

Dean was horrified. “You _ran _5 miles to work? Were you possessed or something?”__

Cas chuckled. “No Dean. I run a few miles every morning. I’d look like a blimp by now if I didn’t. I enjoy eating my creations too much,” 

For a minute, Dean looked down at his own physique. He was fit because of the army, but that wouldn’t last very long…especially living with Cas. Speaking of him, he was in perfect shape. At first glance, he looked stocky, but Dean knew that he was lean and muscled by the way he walked. Nevertheless, the idea of running for _fun _was beyond crazy. He’d have to find a different way to get exercise. “Alright well I’ll be back in a few,”__

Cas nodded and collected the plates from the table they’d been sitting at. Dean really didn’t want to go. Cas’s presence was calming and truthfully, he couldn’t wait to live with him. 

In the end, he left, but it was the first time he’d ever gotten into the Impala and wished he was somewhere else. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating yesterday. I will try to be punctual about updates, but don't hate me if I miss a day or two. Also, my knowledge of PTSD is nowhere near extensive...basically, I'm going off my own interpretation of what my family members have told me. If there's anyone who actually has the disorder or knows someone who does, my intention is not to mock or downplay it in any way, so please don't take offense.


	4. The Beginning of the Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean moves in

“You’re doing _what _!?” Sam demanded. He had his trademark bitchface on and Jess, who had what looked to be a ‘mom face’ going on, stood next to Sam with her hands on her hips.__

“I’m moving in with Cas, it’s not that big of a deal,” Dean had his duffel bag packed up and in his hands. Sam had caught him before he went out the door. 

“Dean, when I told you he was available, I didn’t mean you had to go that fast in a day!” Sam ran his hands through his hair, “do you even know each other? Moving in is a big step in a relationship and—” 

Dean held up his hand to stop Sam’s lecturing. “Woah man, calm down,” 

Sam’s lips formed a tight line, but he chilled out a bit. “What did you two _do _this morning that could’ve led to you _moving in with him _?”____

“He made me some pie—” 

Sam scoffed. “What is that code for something?” 

Dean rolled his eyes. “Very funny, Samantha, now if you’ll let me finish,” Sam scowled at his brother for using that God-forsaken nickname, but couldn’t keep the smirk off his face. “ _As I was saying _, we were eating apple pie and I asked him if he knew of any places that were renting out and he told me he was looking for a new roommate because his brother is moving out,”__

“What and you just agreed on the spot because he’s attractive?” Sam asked. He had a challenging tone in his voice and Dean assumed that this is what the people he questioned in court felt like. 

“I thought about it, but the whole point of moving out was to be alone with my issues rather than burden someone else with them, so I declined at first,” 

“What are you talking about? You’re not a burden,” Sam had what Dean recognized to be the pre puppy dog eyes. He quickly looked away from him. 

“Anyways,” he continued, ignoring Sam’s statement, “That’s when a gunshot went off outside and I had an episode right there in the middle of the restaurant. When I came out of it, he was comforting me and trying his hardest to bring me back,” 

“And?” Jess asked. Dean had almost forgotten she was here. Her face had softened a bit and she was exuding concerned maternal vibes. In the back of his mind, Dean found it funny how motherly Jess already was. 

“And he basically said that it didn’t matter and that he still wanted me as a roommate.” Before Dean could consider if it was a good idea or not, he was already spewing out more information. “But it was different. For once, I wasn’t stared at like I was a broken little soldier that needed fixing. It was like he understood me and accepted me.” 

“Dean _I _understand you and I know that I tend to be worried, but—”__

“Sammy,” Dean stopped him in mid sentence again, “I love you, but you have a life. You have a gorgeous girl, a baby on the way, and a career. It’s time I move on,” 

“If it’s what you really want, then I guess I can’t stop you,” Sam finally said, surrendering, “but just know that you always have a place to crash if you need it,” 

“Thanks Sammy,” Dean slung his duffel bag over his shoulder and headed out, hoping that this wasn’t a mistake. 

Dean let his mind wander as he drove. He thought mostly about Cas, trying to figure out if he even wanted to figure out if he was even ready for a relationship. Despite his doubts, Sam’s words kept swimming around in his mind-- ‘ _Maybe a relationship would be good for you _.’__

Heaven’s Food had quite a few customers when he arrived into the parking lot. When he went inside, he saw a few people sitting at various tables and to Dean, it was hard to believe that just a little while ago, he had an episode in that very room. Looking back, he was grateful that it happened when the place was empty. 

Immediately, he caught sight of Cas talking to a brunette woman wearing an apron similar to what Cas was wearing earlier that morning. He caught sight of Dean standing in the middle of the dining room, and, though he gave him just the smallest of smiles, he caught himself smiling back at the cook.

Cas said a few last words to the woman. In a few short strides, he met Dean, his blue eyes glued to his. “Are you ready?” 

Dean took another look around. The place was getting pretty full and in a little while, he imagined it would only get more packed. “Are you sure you’re not needed here?” 

“No, Hannah is one of my most capable employees. She’s been working here since I started this place,” He led Dean out the door, holding it open and letting him pass first. 

Dean gave a quick thanks and led Cas to the car. “This is nice,” He gestured to the car. 

“She’s my baby,” Dean smiled a little, “Sam gives me crap about having an ‘unhealthy obsession’ with her, but she’s my pride and joy,” 

They got in and Dean started her up. “I get it,” Cas began, “my brother Michael has a 68’ Corvette Roadster and he acts like he’s in love with it,” 

“You’re brother has great taste in cars,” Dean commented idly. He drove out of the parking lot onto the semi-busy street. “So where am I going?” 

“Get on the freeway and get off at Lancing Parkway,” Dean nodded and followed what he said. It was quiet in the car for the better part of the drive. A complacent silence overtook the car, allowing Dean to zone out a bit. 

Dean took the correct exit and Cas started giving him directions. “Follow this street until you get to Downs street and make a left,” As he drove, Dean couldn’t help but notice that these houses were _big _. To him they looked like suburbs on steroids. They towered over the street, some looking more like mansions than houses.__

“These are huge,” Dean looked out the window and practically gaped at all of them. He started thinking about all of the dives that his small family of three used to stay in, and honestly, none of those places even equalled a tenth of some of these places he was seeing now. 

“Take the next left and it’s the very last house,” Cas looked at Dean to see him in thought. “What are you thinking about?” 

Dean was thrown off guard by the question. It took him a minute to answer. “Just that these houses are different than anything I’ve ever lived in,” 

Cas was silent for a few moments, but noticed a bit of tension and bitterness in his voice. “If you want to talk about anything, I’ll listen,” 

“I’m not really the touchy feely kind of guy, Cas,” Dean took a left and tried his best not to look at the enormous houses, instead focusing solely on the road. 

“I get that, but I am that kind of person, so I’m just letting you know that I’m here if you want a friend,” 

It seemed to Dean that every time he would get a feel for how Cas was, Cas would prove him wrong. Nonetheless, he found that he rather enjoyed the prospect of a friend. “Thanks Cas,” He finally got to the last house and Dean was at a loss for words. If he thought the other houses looked like mansions, then this thing was a freakin castle. It was old fashioned but beautiful. The house itself was a steel gray color with white trim while both the door and the chimney were a deep blue. It was gorgeous. “Wow,” he had to crane his neck just to see it up close out the window. “So just you and your brother in this huge house?” 

Cas nodded. “I have a very large family though and when they come to visit, they each have a room,” 

He still looked to be in awe. “How many sibling do you have?” He pulled to the side of the road and turned off the car. 

“Including myself, my parents had six children.” His voice began to hold a pensiveness that wasn’t there before. When he caught Dean staring, he got his expression back in check. “Since Gabe’s gone, you can have his room,” Wordlessly, he got out of the car, waiting for Dean to follow him. Dean immediately got out of the car, the house appearing even bigger now that he was standing. 

He retrieved his duffel bag from the car and let Cas lead the way. He raised an eyebrow when he looked back at Dean. “Didn’t you get your stuff from Sam’s?” 

He held up the single bag. “I did,” 

“That’s all you have?” 

Dean nodded. “I pack light,” He was confused at Cas’s shock. “Why?” 

Cas shrugged. “I was just surprised that’s all,” He turned his attention back to his door and, using his key, let them both in. It was a spacious house with nice furniture. Deep greens and blues filled the room, adding to the whole ‘cool color’ theme going on. “Come on, I’ll show you your room,” 

He followed Cas up the large staircase and down one of the hallways. The second to last door was the one he led Dean. He was shocked when he walked in. He had lived in studio apartments that weren’t this big. A huge (probably king sized) bed sat in the corner and a large wardrobe was across from it. A decent sized chaise sat by the window with a television next to it against the wall. Once again, Dean found himself blown away. 

Cas noticed and smiled. “I’ll leave you to unpack then,” He left the room and the bed was becoming much more inviting to Dean. His lack of sleep the night before was beginning to catch up to him and when he laid down, he knew he was going to fall asleep. Whether or not he was going to sleep peacefully was a matter all it’s own. Right now, as Dean’s eyes began to close, he knew the battle had just begun. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait!


	5. Sweet Dreams, Dean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's first day living with Cas.

It had been three hours later when Cas heard the screaming. The book he was reading landed with a loud thunk on the wooden table, and, before he even formulated any kind of thought in his mind, he was running up the stairs, taking two at a time.

“Sammy! Sammy get out of the way! No!” Dean writhed around on the bed, blankets scrunched up around him. He looked like he was desperately trying to grasp onto something, but couldn’t. It wasn’t until Cas really looked at him that he realized his hands were positioned as if he were trying to drop a gun.

He knelt down onto the bed and hugged Dean tightly. He was dripping with sweat and his was breathing so heavy, Cas would’ve thought he’d just run a marathon. “Dean, whatever it is, it isn’t real. Come back Dean, come back,” He continued to repeat that like a mantra until he felt Dean relax slightly. His breathing steadied and he could tell that the nightmare was over. 

Carefully, as not to wake him, he untangled his arms from around the man and gingerly crept off the bed. Before he even went to stand, a hand caught his shirt. “Stay,” Dean muttered quietly, “please,” 

In that moment, Dean looked so vulnerable, so childlike, that Cas couldn’t say no. Without a word, Cas slipped back into the bed with him. Dean suddenly reached out and grabbed Cas, scooting closer and laying his head near his chest. 

In this position, Cas’s feelings for the other man became much harder to ignore, not that he intended to to begin with. The feeling of Dean cuddling close to him like this made him think of a possible future with him. 

Between Dean’s rhythmic breathing and his own faraway thoughts, Cas succumbed to sleep, but not before whispering three small words into the man’s ear. “Sweet dreams, Dean,”

****************************

When Dean woke up, the first thing he registered was a warmth beside him. He stayed still for a moment, remembering his dream. It had been the worst one yet. For the past 6 years, he’s only had dreams about his screw ups on the battlefield--about the people he let down and couldn’t save, but this time, it was different. This time, it was Sam on the other side of the gun in his hands. It was Sam’s innocent eyes he had to look into as he was ordered to execute. His finger was twitching on the trigger; orders were absolute...orders were made to follow, not question. Those were rules he had to obey as a soldier, no matter who was staring down the barrel of your gun. He screamed and screamed for Sam to move, but he didn’t. Just before he felt his finger pull the trigger, a warmth engulfed him. Somewhere in the back of his mind he heard the calming words. 

He opened his eyes for a moment and saw Cas hovering over him. He knew that his first instinct should’ve been to throw Cas off, but he made no move to do so. He welcomed the warmth and slowly began to calm down. Still though, he didn’t remember another nightmare. Usually he got one every time he fell asleep, but then he remembered; Cas had stayed with him. Before he drifted off again, he wondered how long it would take for the next nightmare to surface, but he didn’t remember having another one. 

He yawned lightly as his eyes finally opened. It took Dean a minute to register that the other man’s face was so close to his. His closed eyelids were right next to his face and he could feel the steady flow of air from his parted lips. Having him this close made something inside of him stir. It was like he wasn’t as alone as he thought he’d been. Cas had stayed with him and even fallen asleep despite hardly knowing Dean. 

Dean moved slightly and Cas felt the bed dip. His eyes opened to meet Dean’s green ones. When he realized what was going on, he immediately got up. “Sorry, you just--you asked me to stay after your episode...I just--” He looked away, “sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” 

“You kept them away,” He met Dean’s eyes to see that he didn’t look half-dead like he had this morning. He was silent for a long time and his brows were scrunched together as if he were thinking deeply about something. Finally he spoke. “If it doesn’t weird you out, could you keep sleeping with me?” 

Cas raised an eyebrow and smirked in spite of himself. Dean nearly choked, only just then realizing what he’d said. “I didn’t mean _sleep _with me, I was just hoping that you and I could just sleep in the same bed, but I know that you don’t know me and that’s weird, so feel free to say no--”__

“Dean,” Cas interrupted, “that would be fine. Who’s room should we sleep in?” 

He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, “I hadn’t actually thought that far ahead. I guess we could just, I don’t know, switch off or something?” 

“Sounds like a good plan to me,” Cas began to head out the door, “you hungry?”

At the sound of that question, he hopped up and followed Cas downstairs, continuing to watch him as he made dinner since it was now six o’clock. He watched Cas flit around the kitchen, his hands moving around the marble counters swiftly as he chopped vegetables and cooked the pasta and meat. Dean now knew why people said that cooking food was art; from where he stood, it was damn good to look at. 

When he had mixed everything together, he plated it up and opened the fridge, retrieving two beers. 

They sat across from each other at the deep mahogany table, their dinners in front of them. Dean wasted no time, digging in immediately. He had absolutely no idea what the dish was called, all he knew was that it was divine. 

“Is it good?” Cas asked after a short while of silence. 

Dean, his mouth full of noodles, just nodded and gave a small smile. They both finished up in comfortable silence and Dean helped clear the table. Almost as if it were routine, they worked side by side cleaning the dishes, Dean washing and Cas drying. 

“Thanks for earlier by the way,” Dean began while washing a saucepan, “I’m sorry if I caused any trouble,” 

Cas dried out the pan and put it on the rack. 

“It wasn’t any trouble I assure you,” 

Dean shook his head. “Why doesn’t any of this put you off? You’ve known me for a day and we’re already sharing a bed and acting like I’ve lived with you for years--” He sighed and cleaned off a plate, “I’m just not used to it, you know and I don’t want to get my hopes up if this isn’t something that will last,” 

Cas turned off the water and made Dean face him. “Dean listen to me, I’m doing this because I already consider you a friend, and, in a manner of speaking, I have known you for years,” 

Dean looked completely confused, but Cas continued, “About a year after I met Sam, Jess was away on a college thing for a week and apparently they’d left on less than the best of terms, so a few days after she left, Sam came to the restaurant completely inebriated,” 

“He was emotional and needed someone to listen to him, so I was there. He told me all about you, about your father, about both your childhoods--everything. He had to have been there for at least two hours spilling his guts,” 

Dean’s eyes widened. Sam must have been majorly shitfaced if he overshared that much. He didn’t even talk about that stuff with Dean, sober or otherwise. It kind of hurt to know that he spilled more to a friend than to his own brother, but he kept listening as Cas continued. 

“When I met you, I felt like I’d known you for years. Even after that night, he talked about you constantly, especially if he got a letter from you. He would gush about his amazing, brave brother. When I met you, I felt like we were already friends and in my book, friends don’t let each other deal with hardships alone,” Cas looked away from Dean. Although he felt as though he was were coming clean, he was still withholding the truth--the real reason he’d been so taken by Dean. Cas shoved the thought from his mind. He would tell the whole truth later. 

The word ‘friend’ felt alien to him. Sure he had people he hung out with in the army, but nobody who serves is the kind of person you can have a good time with. All of them were combat-hardened soldiers that all had violent experiences to boot; definitely not people you could chill and have a beer with. Cas was different though. He was offering friendship, security, someone to lean on...all of the things that Dean had always been afraid to latch onto. Cas was still staring at him, waiting for some kind of response from the man. Dean leaned forward and pulled him into a hug. Cas hesitated at first, but eventually returned it. 

“Thank you,” Dean rested his chin on Cas’s shoulder and figured that if he was going to do this, he may as well indulge himself with at least _some _happiness.__

After Dean pulled away, he flipped the water back on and continued washing as if nothing happened. He got the idea and started doing his own designated task of drying. They took up the same content silence as before, both of them working like parts of a well oiled machine. After finishing quickly, they retired to the living room, both of them watching one of Cas’s cooking show on the large television. 

“Hey Cas, I’m going to be gone most of the day tomorrow, so I’ll most likely be back in the evening,” 

“Okay. I’ll be at the restaurant if you come back early.” He took another swig of his beer and turned his attention back to the show. 

Three beers and six, hour long episodes of Rachel Ray later, they both went upstairs. Without much discussion, they both got into Cas’s bed. Dean started to drift off immediately and when Cas was sure he was asleep, he said the same three words from earlier. “Sweet dreams, Dean,” 

Dean stirred and cuddled closer to Cas. He wrapped his arms around Dean and snuggled closer without even thinking about it. He loved the feeling of the man in his arms--the man he’d been in love with for five years. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention this before, but this is un-beta'd. All the mistakes are of my own doing and if you see one, feel free to point them out.


	6. Not The Only One With A Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean figures out that he may not be the only one with issues.

The bed was still partially warm. A note laid in the spot where Cas slept.

_Dean, I left for work. Coffee and breakfast is waiting for you in the kitchen. ___

He rubbed his eyes as he adjusted to being awake. After stretching his legs, he got up and was surprised at how good he felt. He didn’t have a single nightmare the night before. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually slept the full night; as he thought hard about it, he began to wonder if he ever even did before Cas. 

He left the room and began walking downstairs, noticing the smell of something sweet lingering in the air. When he made it to the kitchen, he was greeted with the sight of perfect fluffy pancakes and a half a pot of coffee. He grinned and took his well endowed plate back to the table, but not before loading up a mug full of coffee. 

Digging in immediately, he moaned at the taste of the fluffy, buttery pancakes. It felt as light as air on his tongue, and, coupled with the syrupy sweetness, it was heaven. He finished the modest stack in front of him quickly, washing it down with the black coffee after. 

Dean got dressed after, settling for a pair of faded jeans and an old button up shirt. Keys in hand, he went out to the Impala and drove to the place he hadn’t been to in years. In a small town a little less than two hours away called Ceres lived the man he considered a father. Bobby Singer had taken he and Sam in after their dad had died. 

The drive was pretty lonely and not at all nostalgic in the way he was hoping. Although there were tons of great memories for Dean _at _Bobby’s, the road _to _Bobby’s had never been very much fun. It seemed like he was only headed there when something in his or Sam’s life had gone awry.____

After finally making it to the small town, he pulled into the familiar mechanics shop. He revved the engine a few times, hoping that Bobby would recognize the sound. He was happy when his suspicions were correct and an older, gruff looking man came out of the small building. He wore his trademark hat and plaid. His face seemed to light up as he saw Dean and when he got close enough, he pulled the younger man in for a hug. 

“Dean, it’s been too long,” Bobby held him tightly. “Where you been, ya idjit?” 

Dean laughed a little. “I just got discharged after six years in the army,” 

Bobby’s expression changed and he held Dean at arm’s length so that he could get a good look at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He touched Dean’s cheek lightly.

“I didn’t even tell Sam until I was a year in,” Dean admitted, looking down in guilt, “I knew you guys would try to talk me out of it,” 

“Damn right we would’ve, and for good reason,” His eyes got a little misty, but he didn’t cry. “Why did you do it? Was it because of Allistair?” 

Dean flinched at the name. “I needed to get away from it. From everything; from Lawrence, from dad, from him…” Dean trailed off, not meeting Bobby’s eyes. 

“So you ran from a big problem to a bigger problem? The army changes people, boy. It changed me and I can tell by looking at you that it’s changed you,” 

Dean didn’t reply. He tried looking everywhere except at Bobby. “How bad are the nightmares, Dean?” Bobby questioned, “How bad has the PTSD gotten?” 

“It’s better now that I’m living with Cas,” Dean smiled at the thought of him, “I met him two days ago when I came back. He’s the only one who keeps them away and the only one who can pull me out of one,” 

“Two days and you’re already living with him?” Bobby looked at him like Dean was insane, “Haven’t you learned anything from your time with Allistair?” 

Dean gave a frustrated groan. “Why does everyone think we’re together!? We’re just roommates!” 

“I think there’s more than that at least on your part because I know that look,” Bobby forced Dean to look at him, “That’s the same look that John had when he first met Mary and the same look that Sam had when he first met Jess,” 

“Alright so maybe there is a bit more, but it’s been _two days _,” Dean rolled his eyes, “I want to take my time specifically because I want to avoid something like the situation with Allistair happening again,” His mouth went dry when he said that man’s name. It was always hard to remember.__

“Have you found work yet?” Bobby asked, gracefully changing the subject. 

“No. Cas owns a restaurant, but I feel like it would be weird if I worked there and lived with him. I’m sure I’ll find something though,” 

Bobby walked over to his workbench and scribbled something on a piece of paper and handed it to Dean. “There’s a friend of mine named Ellen who lives in San Francisco. She owns a place called Harvelle’s downtown on fifth street. Give her this and tell her I sent you and she’ll give you a job.” 

Not bothering to read what was written on it, Dean shoved the paper in his pocket. “Thanks Bobby,” 

They talked for what seemed like hours until the sun was high in the sky. It was three o’clock when he and Bobby finally parted ways. He gave the older man a hug and drove off in the Impala, missing him more and more with every mile he drove. 

The traffic wasn’t horrible, but it was definitely present. While waiting in a line of cars headed to the San Francisco exit, his thoughts drifted to Cas. It was already almost five and he briefly wondered what the man was doing. He also caught himself wondering how Cas felt about him. It was hard for Dean to even consider a relationship after how terribly his last one went, but every time he saw those bluer than blue eyes, all he wanted was to make him his. 

The honk of a horn broke him out of his thoughts. Snapping back to reality, he realized that he was several car lengths behind the sedan in front of him and quickly sped up, waving an apologetic hand at the driver behind him. 

It was another half hour until he got back to San Francisco. The first place he went was Harvelle’s. It was a fairly large building and looked like a nice place. The wood building was a dark brown and it truly looked like one of those midwest places that reminded him of some of the diners in Lawrence. In a bustling city like San Francisco, it was nice seeing a place that wasn’t all funky light fixtures and fruity health shit. The place had character and it made Dean think of home. 

The inside was just as rustic as the outside. Weathered wooden tables and chairs were scattered about, and, behind the bar, there looked to be an impressive looking repertoire of alcohol. “Just seat yourself, sweetie,” a woman called from behind the bar. She was a middle aged woman with brown hair and kind eyes. He sat himself at a bar stool, folding his hands on top of the counter. “What can I get you,” 

“I’m actually looking for a job,” Dean replied. She looked at him strangely. 

“I’m sure you’re a really nice person, but I don’t hire anyone I don’t know. In fact, the only people who work here apart from me are my brother Ash and my daughter Jo,” 

Dean quickly dug in his jacket pocket and retrieved the piece of paper and handed it to her. “I have a recommendation you might know,” 

She skimmed over it and her eyes widened. “I didn’t know that old goat had kids,” She handed the scrap of paper back to Dean. Confused, he read it. 

_Ellen, my son is a good man, you can trust him--Bobby ___

Dean was in awe. Bobby was truly like a father to him and it was nice to know that he thought of Dean as a son. “Well,” Ellen replied, “I guess that settles it. What’s your name and when are you available to start?” 

“Dean Winchester and tomorrow, bright and early,” Dean put the note back in his pocket and made a mental note to find a place in his wallet to keep it. 

“Well Dean, I’ll see you at 10 o’clock sharp,” Ellen started re-stocking some glasses behind the counter. 

Dean got up and shook Ellen’s hand. “Looking forward to it,” 

He left the restaurant then, happy that he had gotten a job. He made the drive back to his house--just being able to say his house made Dean smile a little--hoping that Cas was home. He pulled in the driveway, and when he went inside, arms engulfed him. “Thank God,” Cas muttered. 

“Cas, what’s the matter?” Dean looked around, making sure that everything was relatively in order. He couldn’t see anything that indicated danger. 

“I got halfway through my day before I realized that we had never exchanged phone numbers so that you could call if you had an episode or something,” Cas ran a hand through his hair, “I just kept thinking that if you were to get hurt or something, it would be my fault for being so careless,” 

“Woah, Cas, it’s fine,” Dean said, placing a hand on his shoulder, “what brought all this on?” 

“I just can’t repeat the past again, Dean. Last time it was all my fault, and I just can’t go through that again,” Cas began to get hysterical and tears went down his cheeks. 

He pulled Cas into another hug, trying his best to comfort him since he had helped Dean so much already. “Do you want to talk about it?” Dean was determined to help Cas, chick flick moment be damned. 

“My brother Balthazar, he was in marines about ten years ago. He came out with terrible PTSD, more horrible than I’ve ever seen it on anyone.” 

Cas relocated to the couch and Dean followed, letting the other man continue. “He stayed with me for a few months and he said he was getting better, but I found out too late that he was lying. When he left for his own place, I didn’t stay in touch and when he got really bad again and tried to contact me, I wasn’t there,” 

Dean listened with rapt attention, noticing that Cas was twisting his hands together so tightly that they were almost blue. Dean reached out and placed one of his hands over both of Cas’s and he immediately relaxed. “That night, he had what was probably the worst episode he’d ever had and wandered onto a busy street where he got hit by a car,” A few more stray tears slid down his face. “H-he didn’t make it,” 

“I’m so sorry Cas, I had no idea,” Dean’s hand went from just resting on Cas’s to holding one of them. 

“All day I just couldn’t get the image of you having an episode and having no one to reach,” He took a deep breath, but made no move to take his hand away, “I don’t want to come off as clingy or anything, but I’d hate to lose you the way I lost Balthazar,” 

“I get it Cas,” He took out his own phone, “Let me see your phone,” Cas gave it over willingly and in a matter of seconds, he had exchanged their numbers. 

He handed the phone back. “Thank you, Dean,” It was quiet for a minute as they just sat in each other’s presence. Dean didn’t really know how long the silence lasted. It wasn’t until Cas untangled their hands and got up that he really asked himself that question. “Shall we go to bed?” 

Dean nodded and headed upstairs with him. They were in Dean’s room tonight so Cas made a quick stop at his room to get changed. He finished a bit quickly so when he went into Dean’s room, he walked in as he was pulling on his bottoms. His naked back was facing Cas and for a second, the blue eyed man didn’t know if he would get himself under control; the muscles were taut and he could see them ripple beneath the skin. When he looked closer though, he made a shocking discovery. Starting from the top of his shoulder down below the elastic of his pants, long, pink, puckered scars ran in jagged lines. Dean pulled the shirt over himself then, and before he turned around, Cas backed up and re-entered the room. 

He had felt Cas’s eyes on him the entire time. It made him uneasy knowing that Cas could see all of his scars, but at the same time, he had faith that the man would never judge him based on them. “I got a job today,” he pulled back the sheet and got into the bed, Cas doing the same. 

Cas smiled, “Congratulations, where at?” 

“Harvelle’s on fifth,” 

Cas’s eyes widened. “Ellen is a nice woman,” he furrowed his eyebrows, “although I do recall that she keeps her business strictly family related,” 

“I went to see my surrogate dad earlier today down in Ceres and I guess he and Ellen have history because all it took was a note from him for her to hire me,” Dean pulled the covers up over his body and faced Cas in the bed. 

“That’s lovely,” Dean hummed in agreement and slowly, though they were both still awake, silence filled the room. 

“I know you saw them,” Dean said, interrupting the quiet, “the scars,” 

Cas shifted uncomfortably, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have looked,” His voice became somber, “you never have to tell me anything you don’t want to--I won’t pry.” 

_'And that’s what I love about you _’, Dean wanted to say. “I know. I will eventually, I just didn’t want you to think that I was planning on hiding anything from you,”__

Cas yawned. “I wouldn’t think that,” 

His eyes started to droop closed and Dean smiled. “Sweet dreams, Cas,” there was another phrase lingering on the tip of his tongue that he hadn’t used in ages. He wanted so desperately to tell Cas those three words, but fear held him back. Instead, he got a little closer to Cas and drifted off to sleep, his dreams filled with the unspoken words of his heart-- _ ~~I love you~~ _.__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


	7. Scars, Pies, and Good Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas doesn't know what to when his feelings for Dean start growing...

_“Come on baby, you know I love you,” came Allistair’s sickening voice. He felt the metal rake down his back and screamed, but didn’t dare beg him to stop for fear that it would only encourage him. “but you need to be punished for trying to leave, my sweet,”_

_Dean’s breathing was heavy and he his vision was getting blurry; he knew he would pass out soon. Allistair laughed and clawed deeper into Dean’s skin with the jagged pipe and let it slide all the way down to the back of his thigh. ___

Dean sat up quickly, his breathing a little heavy. The dream wasn’t as vivid as the episodes he’d had, but it still made him afraid. Cas wasn’t with him, but he heard the clatter of dishes downstairs. The clock on the side table read 6AM, so he decided a shower was in order before breakfast. 

The hot water that sprayed onto Dean was like heaven. He’d never lived in a place with such amazing water pressure. The hot liquid trickled down the scars on his back and made him sigh in relief, and as he stood under the showerhead, he thought about how he should tell Cas. The man had been so honest with him and now, Dean felt that he needed to return the favor. 

After the ten minutes he spent beneath the sprayer had proven beneficial, he finished up and turned off the water. Wrapping a towel loosely around his waist, he walked back to his room just down the hall a ways. He didn’t particularly want to dig around in his duffel bag for some clothes, so he settled for the first things he grabbed. He had just slipped his boxers on when Cas came through the open door. 

“So I made--Oh! Sorry!” Cas immediately looked up at the ceiling, trying to be respectful, but he couldn’t help that his eyes wandered to the scars. In the brighter morning light, they looked awful. Cas was sickened that another human being could be so cruel. 

Dean turned around. “It’s fine,” He slipped his jeans on and then lastly his shirt, “so, what’s for breakfast?” 

“French toast,” 

Dean couldn’t remember when he’d had food this good that wasn’t out of a box. He was on his third piece when he finally decided to make conversation rather than contented moans. “So…” Dean began. He honestly wasn’t sure how to start it. Was he just supposed to go right out and say, _‘well my psycho ex tried to kill me...can you pass the syrup?’ _The sharing feelings thing was way out of Dean’s comfort territory. He was used to either bottling emotions or smothering them with enough liquor to take out an army--talking about it was never really his forte.__

“Dean, you don’t have to make yourself uncomfortable. You don’t have to tell me at all if you don’t want to,” He took another sip of his coffee. 

“But I do want to. You were so up front to me about your brother...I wanted to return the favor,” 

“I didn’t tell you about Balthazar because I wanted you to spill your guts,” Cas replied, “I just wanted you to understand why I was worried the way I was, that’s all,” 

“Cas, I _want _to tell you,” Dean finally admitted.__

“Well, go ahead, I swear I won’t judge if that’s what you’re worried about,” 

Dean rubbed the back of his neck, “I know. I just--I’m not a touchy-feely kind of guy, ya know? I hardly talk to my family about this crap,” 

“We’ll start with something easy. Where did you meet him?” 

“It’s kind of a weird story. Sam had just gotten his early acceptance into Stanford during his junior year and we didn’t we didn’t have a lot of money, so I took him to Biggerson’s to celebrate. He was the cashier there.” 

“At first Allistair was kind and handsome. I had just broken up with my high school girlfriend and I hadn’t dated a guy since my sophomore year, so I was bit reluctant. It started out with just innocent flirting and when he asked me out, I hesitated at first. In the end though, I fell for his charms and we started a relationship,” 

Cas nodded, “When did it turn bad?” 

“About two months after we started dating, he wanted to go further. I told him I wasn’t ready because I wanted to take things slow, but he wasn’t having any of that, so we separated for a while.” He took a shaky breath, “ Two weeks passed and I got drunk one night and ended up sleeping with some girl I took home from the bar. It wasn’t even a day later when Allistair found out.” 

“You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to,” Cas said quietly. 

Dean absentmindedly messed with the handle on his coffee mug, “No, I’m alright.” He looked back to Cas who nodded, “The night he found out, he abused me and violated me. I still get nightmares about it, though not as bad as the ones from the war,” 

Dean shuddered before continuing. “Anyway a few days later, I tried to leave. My plan was to get the hell out of dodge--just to pack up my stuff, get into the impala, and drive until the road stopped. Unfortunately, he got me before I even left town and tortured me.” 

Cas felt rage towards the man already. How sadistic and disturbed does someone have to be to do that to another human? Dean pulled his shirt over his head and turned. “He tied me to a bed and gouged me with a jagged pipe,” Close up, the scars were grotesque. The red, puckered marks took up nearly his entire back save for a few spots near his shoulder blade. Without even thinking, Cas reached out and stroked the middled scar that looked to be the deepest. Dean arched his back and flinched like he’d been burned. 

Cas realized what he’d done and yanked his hand away, a spew of apologies rushing out of his mouth, “I’m so sorry I wasn’t even thinking, Dean, forgive me, I--” 

Dean shook his head. “It’s okay, I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all,” He cleared his throat, “you can touch it again, if you want,” 

Cas wasted no time in placing his hand against his warm back. He ran his thumb over the scars and Dean leaned into his touch, letting out a small sigh. It had been so long since anyone had touched him so carefully. He felt valued and vulnerable for the first time in a long time. 

While Cas was caressing his back, Dean went on with the story, “Allistair left me tied up and I sat there for two days before Sammy came to see what was going on. I don’t remember seeing them, but he said I was probably half dead when he called the ambulance. They were able to sew up the gouges, but recoup was a bitch. There was massive infection because of the pipe, so I had to lay on my stomach for three weeks and then after that, bedrest for an additional two months.” 

Cas’s teeth were clenched with anger. “And Allistair?” 

“I never saw him again. I have no idea what ever happened with him. I hope karma got him in the end, but bad things rarely ever happen to bad people in my experience,” 

“How long after did you join the army?” 

Dean sighed, “It was about a year later after my wounds were completely healed. I didn’t say a word to Bobby, who, a the time was the only father figure I had, or Sam. I just left for the recruiting office and didn’t even send a postcard until three years later,” 

“What made you do it?” Cas ran his fingertips across all of the scars, barely touching the skin. 

Dean shuddered at the sensation. “I needed a new life. Sam and Bobby were treating me like a wounded animal and I was sick of it,” 

Cas moved his other hand to Dean’s back as well and started to massage the marred skin. Dean let his head fall limp and moaned a bit, leaning into Cas’s rubs. “You shoulda been a masseuse, dude,” Dean drawled. 

“Nah, I learned all this from kneading bread,” 

Dean scoffed. “Lucky ass bread,” he grumbled. 

Cas laughed. Dean’s voice was heavy and he sounded like he would fall asleep any minute. He continued working out the muscles until he felt him go completely limp and his breathing evened out. He poked Dean to make sure he was asleep and when he was certain, he pressed a small kiss to the middle scar on his back. 

Dean didn’t re-awaken until 9:30 that morning. When he saw the time, he freaked out. “I have to be at Harvelle’s in a half hour!” He immediately threw his shirt back on and downed the rest of his now cold coffee. “Thanks for listening Cas,” 

Cas nodded and smiled, “Anytime, Dean,” 

“And also for the massage,” Dean added, “If you want, I could uh, return the favor?” 

Cas went red, “No, it’s fine you don’t have to. I didn’t mind doing it,” 

Dean smiled and clapped him on the shoulder. “If you’re sure. I wouldn’t mind doing it either.” Cas’s mouth went dry. The way Dean looked at him, it was almost as if he was teasing him. “Anyway, I’d better get going, so I’ll see you in a little bit,” 

Cas cleared his throat. “Yeah.” Dean retrieved his keys from the small side table by the door and left. It wasn’t until Cas heard the roar of the impala that he allowed himself to relax and release the breath he’d been holding. 

It was ridiculous really. Dean had just opened up to him about his violent ex and Cas couldn’t help but have feelings for him; there was no way that Dean could be ready for a relationship after all that. So many times, Cas just wanted to come clean to Dean about his feelings, but every time he thought about it, the fear of rejection stopped him. If Cas wasn’t careful, he knew he could end up losing a lot more than a potential love interest. He saw Dean as so much more than that. He was very quickly becoming one of his best friends. 

He sighed and decided to drive over to the restaurant to check on Hannah. He grabbed his own keys and went out to his car. It wasn’t anything fancy; just a Lincoln. One of his friends had said that it looked like a ‘pimpmobile,’ but Cas didn’t care. It got him from point A to point B which was really all that mattered to him. The drive was fairly quick, but only because his mind was faraway; preoccupied with daydreams of green eyes and scars. 

He went into the familiar place, the bell making his presence known. When Hannah saw him, she put her hands on her hips and gave him a reproachful look. “Castiel Godwin, today is your day off you should be using it!” 

He held his hands up in surrender. “Sorry, sorry, I was just checking up on you. I swear I won’t lift a finger,” He put a hand over his heart. 

“Is this about Dean?” She asked. 

“Is it that obvious?” 

“Yesterday, nearly burned a pie. You’re so meticulous and methodical, I never thought I’d ever see the day,” she shook her head and moved some cookies from the cooling rack to the display case, “you’ve got it bad, Cas. I just don’t know why you don’t tell him,” 

“It’s only been a few days Hannah. I may not be the poster boy for societal norms, but I’m pretty sure people get weirded out when someone professes their love after such a short amount of time,” 

“You really are oblivious, you know that?” Hannah chuckled a little as Cas rolled his eyes. “Do you really not see the way Dean looks at you?” 

Cas sighed. “Hannah--” 

“No Cas. Listen,” She held up a hand, stopping Cas mid-sentence, “I know you’re afraid of losing a friend, but have you ever thought about the fact that this might be what both of you need? Don’t let it become a ‘what if,’ Cas,” She looked down, “Lord knows I have enough of those to know that they can ruin your life,” 

As much as he hated to admit it to himself, Hannah did have a point. “How do I even begin that conversation?” 

Hannah shrugged her shoulders. “Just go right out and say it,” 

“That’s a horrible idea. What am I supposed to say? _‘hey Dean you don’t know me that well but I’ve been in love with you for years,’” Just thinking about it made Cas envision every worst case scenario, “I don’t think that would go over so well,”_

“Well not when you say it like that,” Hannah said, washing her hands and wiping them on her apron, “just don’t worry about it right this second. When you do it, the words will come to you. I know you can do this,” 

Cas smiled, “I’ll try, okay?” he grabbed an apron out of the cabinet. Hannah shot him a look. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” 

“I want to bake myself a pie to take home,” He said, trying to sound convincing. 

“So you don’t have an oven and and a copious amount of baking supplies at your own house?” She asked incredulously. She crossed her arms over her chest. 

“Okay, you caught me. It’s a ploy--I want to do work today,” He flashed a grin and Hannah couldn’t help but smile back. 

“I don’t understand why you give yourself days off when you just come in anyway,” 

“Baking is first and foremost my passion. Giving myself a day off is more a punishment than a reprieve,” He gathered his hair into a hairnet and preheated the oven. “If I didn’t have to go home eventually, I don’t think I’d ever leave,” 

Hannah laughed, continuing her tasks, “You are something else, Cas,” 

He retreated to the kitchen in the back and started to pull the ingredients together, letting his mind wander as he completed the familiar tasks. 

Three dozens of honey butter biscuits, two sour cherry pies, and 2 hours later, he cleaned up and hung his apron back in the closet. Hannah waved to him as he left, silently wishing him luck with Dean. 

When he did get home, It was a quarter till noon and Dean was still gone, so he turned on the food network. He appreciated the background noise, but he wasn’t paying much attention to the show. His mind was much too focused on just how the hell he was going to admit his feelings to Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments make my day :D


	8. Botched Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "True to Dean Winchester fashion, his first instinct was to deflect; to push a good thing away so that it didn’t have the potential to hurt him."

He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew he was being shaken awake to the smell of food. 

“Cas?” Dean lightly shook him. He’d gotten home about an hour ago at three o’clock and, since Cas was asleep, he decided to cook for him. Dean wasn’t Betty Crocker or anything, but Sam had never gotten sick off his cooking, so he wasn’t incapable. He whipped together some Italian chicken and rice and served it up on a few plates. 

Cas opened his eyes and smelled the air. It was a fairly pleasant smell to wake up to and he was shocked to say the least. He definitely hadn’t expected Dean to make dinner. 

“I know it’s a bit early, but I made us some food. I stopped by the restaurant on the way home and Hannah told me you probably hadn’t eaten,” Dean watched as he rubbed his eyes and sat up all the way. 

“She’s right, I am quite hungry. What did you make?” 

“I’m no cook, but I made some Italian chicken and rice that Sam used love, so hopefully you’ll like it,” He stood and pulled Cas up with him, walking him over to the table. 

They dug right in, eating quietly. Cas loved it--simple yet delicious. “It’s really good,” he told Dean. 

Dean’s face lit up and he smiled. “I’m glad you like it,” 

That night passed in a boring fashion. They did the dishes, watched TV, and went to bed, only to get up and do it all again the next day. To anyone else, this would be the start of a dreary life, but to Dean, this was heaven. He finally had the promise of stability and routine--for once not weighed down with fear. The same pattern continued for three months; Dean would wake up to breakfast, they would eat and talk about pretty much everything--sometimes it was current events, and other times a memory from one of their lives.

It was thanks to those morning conversations that he learned that Cas had a huge and very distant family. They had cast him out for being gay and none of his five siblings apart from Gabriel would talk to him. It was also where Cas found about how John Winchester really died--how he resorted to offing himself rather than face what he called “a faggot son.” It was these conversations where Dean found that he and Cas had a lot more in common than he realized. 

After breakfast, both of them went to work until early evening. They took turns cooking when they got home, occasionally bringing something home with them instead. They did the dishes together and then watched movies or something for the rest of the night. Dean took it upon himself to give Cas a pop culture education; they watched all the Star Wars movies, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, and especially the Indiana Jones movies. Sometimes they fell asleep on the couch, but most nights they ended up going up to whichever room they were sleeping in for the night. 

Their routine was easy and familiar, but Dean’s ever growing feelings made it difficult. He wanted desperately to tell Cas how he felt, but why would Cas want him? Sure, Dean had shared a lot of the horrors he had swirling around his head with Cas, but it was by no means the worst of it. When Cas finally did see the nightmare that was his life, would he stay or would he leave like everyone else did? 

Cas didn’t mind the routine. It was nice to have Dean, but Cas couldn’t keep hiding his feelings like he had been. Every time he’d walk into the restaurant, Hannah would give him that look--the look that meant that he needed to get with the program and stop pining after Dean. He wanted to, God did he ever, but what if he lost a friend in the process? 

It all came to a head one night when they were eating one of Cas’s masterpieces for dinner. Cas had made homemade burgers and Dean looked as if he would burst when he took a bite. 

“This is so fucking good,” Dean said, his mouth full of half-chewed food. He swallowed and took a swig of beer. “I swear I wish you were a crappy cook sometimes. Food like this is going to make me fat,” 

Cas smiled at that and started in on his own burger. He couldn’t help but think about what was happening. Was he really content to just sit here, festering in his feelings for Dean? It was getting too difficult to keep to himself, and he was tired of getting caught up in this tedious rat race, doomed to compete with the two conflicting sides of himself. 

When he looked at Deans face and saw him happy, he started to feel a little more confident. Cas made him smile like that, and it gave him a little hope that maybe Dean felt something for him, even if it was small.

He knew it was time to do what he should’ve done a long time ago when Hannah first told him to. He took a deep breath and his hands started to get a little sweaty. He attempted to just go right out and say it. “Dean I-- ” The man looked at him with those green eyes and Cas nearly lost his resolve. He took another breath, trying to stay calm, “I seem to have feelings for you,” he blurted out quickly. 

Dean was quiet, trying to figure out how to respond. There was no denying that he had strong feelings for Cas, but would Cas really want him when he had all of this baggage? 

Cas hung his head when Dean didn’t answer. “I don’t expect anything of you, but you needed to know how I felt,” He met Dean’s eyes again, “If you want to move out, I understand,” 

Dean shook his head. “I like you too, it’s just that--” He sighed, “You may like me now, but I guarantee that you won’t once you get to know me better,” 

“No, Dean, you don’t understand. You may have known me for a few months, but I’ve known for years. Sam talked about you to me for the better part of four years and during that time I fell for you,” 

“And I know I should’ve told you right off the bat, but I was afraid you’d be weirded out, so I just wanted to be your friend at first.” He sighed, “It worked until I realized that you were so much more than Sam described. You’re brave, courageous, funny, and most of all beautiful,” 

He took a breath and decided to look at Dean which was a terrible idea. The green eyed man was pale and looked utterly shocked. Still though, Cas had gotten this far, he figured he may as well keep going and tell him everything, “I may not know everything about you, but I’m saying here and now that I don’t care. I love you, Dean Winchester and I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to tell you,” 

Dean’s mind went into overdrive. Aside from Bobby and Sam, he didn’t think that there’d be anybody that loved him despite his issues, but here Cas was, proving him wrong. True to Dean Winchester fashion, his first instinct was to deflect; to push a good thing away so that it didn’t have the potential to hurt him. He felt that familiar fear in his gut. Cas may say that now, but Dean was absolutely certain in his own mind that he would say something about himself that would be too much and Cas would go running for the hills. 

Cas stared at him, awaiting a response, but Dean was speechless and terrified. So he does what he believes any sensible person would do. He runs. He sets down his food, and, still in his socks, he grabs his keys and runs out the door, leaving a very confused and saddened Cas behind. 

Dean has absolutely no idea what to do, so he goes to Sam’s. It’s only seven o’clock so they’d probably be home. He pulls up to the house and practically bangs on the door. Sam answers it, looking tired and a bit annoyed, however that all melts away when he sees Dean’s harried expression. 

“Dean, what’s going on?” He stepped to the side and let Dean in. 

“I may or may not have ruined everything with Cas,” He rubbed the back of his neck and caught sight of a pregnant looking Jess walking down the stairs. Although he’d been talking to Sam on the phone these past few months, he hadn’t actually visited since the night he came back to California. 

She made it down and took position next to Sam. “Tell us what happened,” 

They migrated to the living room and sat down, Dean not being able to stay still. With an unsteady voice, he tries to explain what happened. 

Jess looks furious. “He told you he loved you and you _ran _!?” she chastised, “I hope you have a good reason”__

Jess may have been only 5’4’’ and about as menacing as a bunny, but with her mom voice and baby bump, she was downright terrifying. “I was scared,” he answered sheepishly. 

“Scared of what, Dean?” Sam asked, a little less angrily than Jess. 

Dean looked down. “Man, I don’t know. What if I say something or do something and he leaves?” He met Sam’s eyes again, “I’ve been able to handle a lot of people leaving but if Cas left, it would kill me,” Dean took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. 

“Dean, you’re pushing him away just like you pushed me and Bobby away,” Sam told him, “We’re family and we stayed, but Cas isn’t and he truly loves you. If you push him away, you may not get another chance when you realize you screwed up,” 

Jess put her hand on his cheek. “Go home to him and tell him how you feel,” She leaned forward and kissed the top of his head, “you deserve happiness more than anyone, but you’re never going to get it unless you go for it,” 

He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. It was times like this when he understood why Sam loved her so much. “Thank you both,” 

“You're welcome, now go and get him,” Sam told him, all but pushing him out the door.

He couldn’t hardly think as he drove back to the house. His courage was deteriorating with every mile he drove and he hoped that Cas could forgive him for what he did. Now that he thought about it, it was kind of a dick move. He was so afraid of being left that he didn’t realize that _he _was leaving Cas when he needed reassurance the most.__

The lights were out when he got home. When he turned them on, he was shocked to see the dishes done and Dean’s duffel by the door with a note. 

_I’m sorry for what I did. I assume you’ll want to find a new residence, but just know that I still love you and I probably won’t stop doing so. If and when you do decide to come back, I’ll wait for you. ___

There were tear stains on the paper and Dean felt the urge to cry himself. The guilt of what he did to Cas hit him hard and he knew he had to make things right. He ran upstairs went into Cas’s room only to find it empty. He went down the hall to his room and found Cas curled up under the covers. He smiled--even after Cas thought he was going to leave, he still kept their routine. He kicked off his shoes and jacket and got into bed with him, moving closer than he’d ever gotten to him and kissing his cheek. “I love you too, Cas,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you liked it! Don't be afraid to leave me a comment!


	9. A Haunt From the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when Dean and Cas think that their relationship is making progress, someone from the past comes back and threatens it all. Little do they know, Dean is willing to do anything to protect the sanctity of his new life.

The first thing that Cas noticed was hands around him. When he opened his eyes, he thought he surely must be dreaming. Dean lay next to him--so close that he was nearly on top of him. His limbs were tangled with Cas’s and he could feel Dean’s warm breath against his throat. He moved carefully, trying not to disturb the sleeping man. When he was completely out of Dean’s grip, he stood up and looked down at the other man. Cas couldn’t believe that he had stayed. He had to wonder if this was actually happening. 

He reluctantly left the room and went downstairs to start breakfast. Gathering the necessary materials, he let his mind wander as he mixed the ingredients for pancakes. He was engrossed in his thoughts when hands went around him from behind. 

“Good morning,” a voice said. 

Cas nearly dropped the spatula. He turned around and hugged Dean tightly, now convinced that it wasn’t a dream. “I’m glad you stayed,” 

“Cas,” His voice was serious and it kind of scared Cas. Nonetheless, he looked up and saw the apprehension in his face. His jaw was rigid and his eyebrows scrunched together, “I love you,” 

Cas rested his forehead against Dean’s. “I love you too, Dean,” Tentatively, Cas raised his chin and touched his lips to the other man’s just barely. It wasn’t even enough to be deemed chaste, yet both men felt a small thrill of excitement when they made contact. Dean pressed harder, parting his lips and running his tongue across Cas’s. The blue eyed man allowed Dean entrance without hesitation, letting out a small sigh as they explored each other’s mouths. Cas took Dean’s lower lip and sucked on it lightly making the latter moan. 

Suddenly, Cas pulled away and flipped the pancakes, not wanting them to burn. Dean looked a bit flushed and his lips were starting to get swollen--though not nearly enough for Cas’s liking. He pulled Dean’s head towards his and enveloped him in another heated kiss. To say that this one was better than the first was an understatement for Dean. He loved the feeling of Cas’s lips on his and smiled a little into the kiss. 

The broke apart a second time so that Cas could finish breakfast. He plated up the hot pancakes and put out the syrup. “I’m sorry about yesterday, Cas,” Dean cut into his pancakes but made no move to eat. “It was a dick move and I’m sorry.”

“What made you do it?” Cas asked softly, “Did I do something…?” Cas trailed off and took a small bite of pancake. 

“No I just got scared, you know?” he shook his head, “I didn’t know what to do. So many amazing things have happened since I met you and I just--” He took a breath, “I was so afraid that I would do something or say something and it would all come crumbling down,” 

“While it was a blow to my self esteem when you left after I confessed,” he took Dean’s hand and rubbed circles over his knuckles, “it’s going to take a lot more to scare me off,” 

Their hands stayed stayed connected as they ate, occasionally looking at one another. Even when their plates had long been cleared, they still just sat together at the table, content with one another. Time passed too quickly though, and soon, both Dean and Cas had to leave for work. 

Dean was beginning to love Harvelle’s. Ellen treated him more like a son than an employee and her daughter Jo was like the annoying little sister he never knew he wanted. Ash, Ellen’s brother worked there too, but most days he was either in his office or passed out drunk on the pool table. It was like he had his own little family there. 

“So Dean,” Jo said after getting a good look at him, “when’s the wedding?”

“We’re not even together,” Dean responded, instantly knowing that she was referring to he and Cas. She’d been badgering him about it since Jo found out he lived with the man. He tried to play it cool while grabbing one of the aprons from under the bar.

“Bullshit. You look happier than you have in weeks--months even,” Jo tossed him the keys to his cash register. 

He caught them and rolled his eyes. “Okay so maybe we’ve admitted feelings, but we haven’t actually talked about dating yet,” Dean finally conceded. 

“It’s about damn time,” she remarked. 

What about you and Charlie, hotshot,” Dean countered, “I bet she’s waiting for you to man up--or rather woman up--and ask her out,” 

“I’m taking my time,” She went back into the kitchen and Dean just shook his head and started to set up for the day. 

The wooden door creaked signifying that a customer was there. “Just a minute pal, we just opened up,” Dean said, stacking some more glasses beneath the counter. 

“I’m in heaven,” the man who came in began to sing. Dean got a chill down his spine. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say it was--

“And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak,” When Dean heard that he knew. There was only one person who would sing this song. It had been _their _song; the song that still plagued him. Dean didn’t dare turn around.__

“I seem to find the happiness I seek, when we’re out together, dancing cheek to cheek,” Fear rippled through Dean and he nearly dropped the glass he held. A part of him hoped that this was some kind of advanced nightmare or episode or really _anything _but reality.__

“Hello Dean,” He spoke, his voice just as horribly grating as it was all those years ago. It was the same voice that haunted his dreams; the scars on his back tingled as he recalled the memories. 

“Allistair,” Dean breathed, more to himself than anything else. 

“Aren’t you going to look at me, baby?” he questioned. Dean didn’t want to, but he knew he’d have to face him sooner or later. 

With all the strength he could muster, he turned around, his grip around the glass tightening in order to hide the fact that he was shaking. Allistair looked nearly the same. His gaunt face sprinkled with stubble and those sadistic green eyes still had that same gleam that they did the night he left Dean in that bed. 

“I must say, you got better with age, baby,” He drawled his eyes roving over Dean’s form. He walked forward and sat on a barstool, placing his elbows on the counter. 

“What do you want Allistair?” Dean demanded harshly. 

“Oh baby, don’t be like that,” He idly played a with a napkin holder, never breaking eye contact with Dean, “I’ve missed you,” 

Dean had his lips pressed in a hard line and didn’t respond. “Oh I see you’re still upset about our little quarrel,” 

“Quarrel?!” he slammed the glass down on the bar, “You left me for dead you sick son of a bitch!” 

“Come on baby, I had my reasons,” He ran his finger around the rim of the glass that was now on the counter. Dean stayed silent so he continued. “Tell you what, why don’t you come with me for the day and we can _reminisce _about the fun times we had,”__

“Like hell!” Dean growled, his fist coming down onto the bar with so much force, it shook the glass. 

He held open his jacket to reveal a curved metal blade in his inside pocket. “Somehow I think I can persuade you, baby,” 

Dean stiffened. His mind instantly went to Ellen and Jo who were in the kitchen. If Allistair was to hurt either one of them because he didn’t comply, he’d never forgive himself. “Let me just tell my boss that I’m leaving,” 

“I knew you were still my docile little pet, baby,” he called as Dean retreated to the kitchen. 

He quickly went to Ellen. “Ellen, there’s no time. I have to go and I need to borrow Ash’s gun, please.” 

She looked at him as if he were crazy, “What are you talking about Dean? What’s going on?” 

“I can’t say right now, but I promise I’ll fill you in later,” Ellen nodded gravely and took out an oak box from the cabinet above the stove. She uncovered Ash’s fully loaded Ruger-22 Bearcat but held it away from Dean. Instead, she leaned up and kissed his cheek. 

“Whatever you’re planning, be careful,” Dean closed his eyes and nodded. “I will. I’m going to take care of some unfinished business and then I’m going to be back to work bright and early tomorrow morning,” Ellen looked at Dean sadly. She knew as well as Dean did how half-assed that promise was. 

Against her better judgement, she handed him the gun and instantly, Dean shuddered. He felt like he was like greeting an old friend. The cold metal in his hand sent chills through him as he grew accustomed to the heavy, cold metal in his hand. “It’s been too long,” he whispered. The power running through him was unreal. For the first time in months, he had the power to take life. He used to revel in the feeling; the sound of bullets piercing the air used to be like music to his ears--he used to _long _to eradicate his enemies.__

Now though, it just felt wrong--like he was picking at a scab that hadn’t quite healed yet. It didn’t hurt at the moment, but he knew if he kept digging deeper into the scab, the pain would be worse than the actual injury. The last thing he wanted to do was regress into the shell of a man he was when he first came back. He thought of Cas then; the calming blue eyes and steady heartbeat he’d grown accustomed to hearing everyday. Giving Ellen an apologetic look he carefully placed the gun in the pocket of his leather jacket. “Kick it in the ass dean,” Ellen told him, “And don’t you dare miss,” “Never,” he replied solemnly as he went back out into the dining room. 

“Are you ready to go, baby?” Allistair asked, still sitting patiently where Dean had left him. 

The gun felt like it weighed a hundred pounds in his pocket. With a deep breath and all the determination he could draw from himself, he nodded. They both left, not yet knowing that only one person would return. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It might be a little while until my next update, but I promise I will continue it.


	10. Of Determination and Hesitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the final deed must be done, will Dean's determination be enough?

Cas sauntered into the restaurant humming as if he hadn't a care in the world. Hannah smiled widely.

“You finally did it!” she cried, tossing him an apron. 

“Did what?” He asked, feigning ignorance. 

Hannah shot him a look. “Don’t you dare play that crap with me, Castiel Godwin!” she told him, “You’re smiling for the first time in months,” 

“Okay, okay, we confessed,” Cas finally relented with another smile. 

“It’s about damn time,” she muttered as she went into the kitchen to start the ovens up. Cas just shook his head and tied his apron in the back. 

Just as he started to unlock the cash registers, he heard the familiar ring of the phone. “I got it,” he called. After the second ring, he picked it up. “Thank you for calling Heaven’s food, this is Castiel speaking,” 

“Cas, it’s Ellen Harvelle,” a panicked voice spoke, “I think Dean’s in danger,” 

Cas’s smile faded quickly and he felt himself start to worry. “What happened?” 

“He left right after he came in and I think he left with somebody because his car’s still here,” 

“How do you know he’s in trouble?” Cas twisted the cord of the phone, his mind conjuring a million different worse case scenarios. 

“Cas, he took Ash’s gun with him. He couldn’t say why he needed it,” 

He closed his eyes and sighed. ‘ _Dammit Dean, _’ Cas thought. There was no way that he or Ellen could find him; they wouldn’t even know where to start if they tried. The only thing they could do now is wait for him to call or come back. “Thank you for telling me Ellen. If you hear anything else, please let me know,”__

“Of course Cas,” she said, “make sure you do the same,” 

“Well do, I’ll be in touch,” He hung up the phone after that and went into the kitchen to Hannah. “I won’t be of much help today,” 

This is not how Dean was expecting to spend his morning. After a horrific car ride (in a beat up Corolla no less, but that was the least of Dean’s concerns) in which he was practically hugging the side of his door in an effort to sit as far away from Allistair, he found himself in a dingy apartment. Dean thought he was going to be sick when he realized it was the same apartment building where Allistair had left him. 

“Did my pet stay faithful to me while I was gone?” He asked, shrugging off his coat and throwing it on a nearby chair. Dean backed away as far as he could, trying to keep his distance. 

He thought about an answer. Sure he could’ve said yes, but that’s what Allistair wanted. Dean had so much rage when he looked at Allistair; he wanted to twist the knife a bit--make him realize that he hadn’t ruined Dean completely. “As a matter of fact, no.” 

Allistair stiffened and his his jaw clenched. “Who’s the bastard?” 

That was nearly too much for Dean. He marched up to Allistair and nearly got in his face. “Cas is more a man than you’ll ever be you junkless bastard,” Dean growled. 

“Such dirty words coming from such a pretty mouth,” he said. “I think a punishment may be in order,” he began to reach into his pocket for his knife and Dean pulled out Ash’s gun.

“Don’t fucking move,” Dean ordered, pointing the gun at him. 

He grinned “You’re not going to shoot me,” 

“What makes you so certain?” Dean switched off the safety and cocked the gun. The sound of the clicking metal sent a familiar shiver down his spine, but he pushed the thoughts aside. There was no room for that here. Although he had the gun ready, he couldn’t bring himself to put his finger on the trigger--he couldn’t bring himself to kill another man. 

“Dean Winchester, served in the United States Army for six years, discharged four months ago due to PTSD. After that he boarded a plane to San Francisco, California and got a job at Harvelle’s,” Dean’s stomach sank and his face probably resembled that of a deer caught in headlights. Allistair smiled triumphantly, “what happened to all that confidence, baby?” He chuckled, “oh that’s right. You don’t have any,” His eyes glanced at Dean’s twitching index finger.

Dean moved the gun to where it was merely a few inches from his face. “Don’t test me, you son of a bitch,” 

“You can’t even put your finger on the trigger! You left that part of you that would in Afghanistan with your fallen comrades.” He stood up straight, coming face to face with the gun, “That’s right. I know about them too, Benny and Cole. How they screamed for your help--for anyone’s help,” 

“You shut up! You shut up right now!” Dean yelled. 

Allistair’s voice stayed calm, still mocking Dean as much as he could. “Go ahead, shoot me then, baby, shoot me,” Dean moved the gun even closer so that it was nearly touching the space between his eyes. “But then again, maybe you can’t,” 

Dean stayed still, his jaw clenched and his hand unmoving Allistair continued. “Maybe you’ve shed so much blood that you can’t bear to kill anyone else--not even me,” 

Dean pulled the gun back quickly and whipped it across Allistair’s face, effectively knocking him out. He crumpled to ground and looked like he was unconscious, but Dean wanted to be sure. He kicked the man in his side and released the breath he’d been holding as he saw that Allistair was out cold. 

He walked to another part of the apartment and retrieved his phone from his pocket. He debated on whether or not to leave Allistair, but honestly, he couldn’t stand to even look at him. He went into the next room so that he would be able to hear if the man got up. Dean sent Cas a short text to let him know that he was alright. 

_Cas, I’m at the La Fosse Apartment buildings unit number 6. I need you. ___

A finger up his spine nearly made him scream. “Four months and your skill are already so rusty,” he made three ‘tsk’ sounds, “you should really learn how to knock people out properly, baby,” 

A hand went around his shoulders and turned him around, knocking the gun out of Dean’s hand. “You don’t know how much I’ve missed this, baby,” he cooed, “the whole time you were gone, I had to settle with others...the screaming girls, the fighting boys...they weren’t the same. No one could compare to my first pet,” 

His hands moved down his shoulders to his chest. “Listen to your heartbeat race,” he pressed harder into Dean’s chest, “your fear is a gorgeous sound,” 

The touch felt wrong to Dean. The only hands that he wanted to feel were Cas’s and these damn sure weren’t his. Dean coldcocked Allistair in his jaw, making him stumble to the side. He made a dive for a gun right after, but he wasn’t fast enough. The other man had already regained his composure and kicked the gun away, sending it sliding into the living room.

Allistair grabbed Dean by the collar of his shirt and punched across the face a few times, bloodying up his face. He kicked the greened eyed man in the gut to where he was laying across the floor, gasping. “We have a lot of punishment to do, baby,” He delivered another kick to Dean, this time in his chest. He wheezed, the air getting knocked out of him, “You just won’t learn. You. Are. Mine.” 

Allistair picked Dean up by the throat and pressed him up against the wall, his iron grip letting no air into his lungs. He felt himself get light-headed from lack of oxygen and his eyes started to roll back. The last thing he was aware of was a gravelly voice that brought him instant comfort. 

“ _Back away from my boyfriend you fucker! _”__

Dean passed out after that, hoping that his death would be swift.

Cas looked at Allistair in disgust. White hot anger seared through him and he cracked his knuckles. Cas’s fist met his face in a hard punch, sending him careening to the ground. He began kicking Allistair as well, relishing in the yelps of pain coming from him. Allistair was barely hanging on when Cas delivered a full force kick straight to the man’s face. That last blow completely did him out, his bloodied form still and barely breathing. 

Cas instantly went to Dean. He was completely unconscious so the blue eyed man immediately called 911, asking for both a police car and an ambulance. He held onto Dean’s hand the whole time, not once leaving his side. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a feeling that we're winding down to the end! I hope you've enjoyed the story so far! Don't be a stranger; I love seeing comments and criticism!


	11. Freedom at Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The kiss was one of the best that Dean had ever had. Not because it was passionate and lustful, but because this kiss was freedom. Dean was free from fear of his past."

_Allistair was coming at him, knife in hand, ready to cut and slice away at Dean’s already battered body. Dean braced himself. He knew what was coming next. He shut his eyes tightly and hoped it would be over soon. Just when he thought he should be feeling the cold, unloving metal graze his skin, he felt the opposite. ___

_Soft, perfect hands caressed his scarred form. When he got the courage to open his eyes and look, it wasn’t the abhorrent face of Allistair in the old apartment, but the beautiful, comforting image of Cas in his new home. Cas stroked his chest with a featherlight touch, setting him alight with equal parts of love and lust. ___

_“Cas,” Dean whispered. His hands were like heaven against him and Dean instantly craved more. He wanted all of Cas. He pulled the man’s head down and kissed him tenderly, trying to convey just how much he needed Cas in that moment. He must have gotten the message because Cas straddled Dean’s hips and leaned against him chest to chest, making the latter sigh at the delicious weight on top of him. ___

_It had been so long since he’d been with someone like this, someone he loved and who loved him in return. After a few seconds of kissing though, he started hearing a beeping noise. At first it was faint and barely noticeable, but it soon reached nearly deafening levels. As the beeping raised in volume, the glorious scene around him began to disappear. ___

He was in a hospital, the white curtain and smell of antiseptic evidence of that. The beeping was coming from the heart monitor next to him. At first, all he was able to register was the pain. He felt like he’d just been hit by a bus and his throat was as dry as the Sahara. He tried swallowing a few times, trying to ease the dry burn, but it was in vain. Once he began shifting around, trying to find the nurse button, he realized that a hand was holding his own. Looking over carefully, he saw Cas’s gorgeous sleeping face. He was slumped back in the chair, his legs sprawled out. His lips were slightly parted and Dean had a feeling that he’d been occupying that same chair since Dean got admitted, however long it’s been. 

Dean squeezed his hand lightly, almost reluctant to wake up the sleeping man. Cas began to come to, opening his eyes slowly to find Dean staring at him. 

After a moment, he finally registered that he was looking at a conscious Dean, he jolted up out of the chair. “You’re awake!” He immediately got up and tracked down the first nurse he saw. A woman named Sarah came into the room. 

“Rise and shine princess!” She greeted jovially, taking his chart and looking over his monitor. Her black hair was in soft waves and she wore a set of scrubs that bore the phrase ‘I love Van Gogh.’ “How are we doing today, Mr. Winchester?” 

“Thirsty,” he rasped, pointing at his throat. 

“Oh!” She ran out of the room momentarily, coming back seconds later with a styrofoam cup filled with water. Dean eagerly took it from her and gulped it down, the cool liquid easing the fiery thirst. 

“I feel like shit,” He set the cup on the side table in front of the monitor. His voice was still extremely hoarse as if he’d been screaming for hours. 

“How long have I been out?” Dean asked, trying to clear his throat. 

“You’ve been out for two days. You have three broken ribs and your neck will likely bruise really badly,” Cas sat back down next to him and reclaimed his hand. “What do you remember?” 

For a second, Dean was clueless, but after a minute of deep thought, the events began coming back to him. “Allistair showed up to Harvelle’s and I went with him...I took Ash’s gun with me. I was going to--,” tears came to his eyes as he thought about how he almost went through with it. He almost killed Allistair; the only thing that stopped him was his own weakness. He had no right to drag Cas into this situation with him. He should’ve been able to do it--to fight his own demons. A single tear slid down his cheek. “I wasn’t strong enough, Cas,” 

Cas wiped the tear away and Sarah slowly exited the room to give them privacy. “You’re the strongest man I know. Not many people could’ve even looked at him again if they’d been through what you have,” 

“Where is he now? Did he get away again?” Dean’s panic started to rise. He couldn’t stand to do this again. 

“I knocked him out and when I called an ambulance for you, I called a cop car for him. Apparently, he’s wanted in numerous counties all around California for rape and murder, so I imagine he’s going to be locked up for a long time,” Cas moved his chair closer to the bed to get a better grip on Dean’s hands. “you don’t have to be afraid anymore,” 

Dean took a breath, mostly out of relief. Right when Dean thought that Cas couldn’t possibly save him any more than he had, he does. 

Just like he had in his dream, he pulled Cas forward and pressed a kiss to his lips. Cas was a little surprised at first, but eventually leaned more into it, being cautious so he didn’t hurt Dean. 

Dean shifted so that Cas was partially resting on the bed with him. The kiss was one of the best that Dean had ever had. Not because it was passionate and lustful, but because this kiss was freedom. Dean was free from fear of his past. There was no more battlefields or psycho exes...just Cas. He was finally free to live out the rest of his life with the man he loved. 

When his the pain in his ribs protested against Cas’s weight, Dean reluctantly broke the kiss and moved over on his side to make room for Cas to lay with him. The man got the idea and very carefully maneuvered himself so that he had Dean wrapped in his arms. 

“Thank you Cas, thank you for everything.” Cas just hummed in response as he kissed Dean’s forehead. After a little while, they both drifted off to sleep, squished together on a small hospital bed. Eventually, Sarah came back in to tell Cas that visiting hours were over, but she didn’t have the heart to wake them up. Instead, she grabbed an extra blanket from the closet down the hall and covered Cas up. 

“Goodnight boys,” she whispered, turning off the lights and cracking the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is near, dear readers, the end is near


	12. The Next Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's been having thoughts about Cas lately...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so, so sorry for not updating for so long. I could give a million excuses, but in reality, life just got in the way. I will try and be more diligent about updating from now on! Please don't give up on me!! Also, the explicit warning is about to take effect.

It had been a week; seven long, arduous days waking up to the incessant beeping of the heart monitor and the overbearing smell of antiseptic. Dean would be lying if he said that he wasn’t getting a little stir crazy. He felt bad for Cas too. Ever since the whole ordeal, the only time Cas ever left his side was when he told him to go him and shower. Dean was convinced that if he didn’t force menial hygiene on him that he’d be content to sit there indefinitely without moving. 

Dean’s thoughts were interrupted when a freshly showered Cas walked through the door. His hair was still damp and his face appeared to be freshly shaven. “Satisfied?” the man asked. 

“Definitely.” Dean drawled, looking Cas up and down. “Anyway, did you hear anything from the doctor?” 

“I talked to him on my way back and he said that there’s a good chance that you’ll get to go home today,” 

Dean wanted to rejoice. Finally he could go home and focus on other things...like Cas. 

As if on cue, the doctor walked in. Dean didn’t really pay attention to him before, so he took a moment to look at him. He was pretty scrawny, maybe about middle aged. He wore outrageously colorful scrubs and his nametag read ‘Garth Fitzgerald IV.’ Dean inwardly rolled his eyes. 

“Good morning, Mr. Winchester,” he chirped in what Dean deemed to be too happy a tone to have before noon, “how have you been feeling?” 

“I feel great,” Dean assured him, maybe with a little too much verve because the doctor gave him a suspicious look. 

“Mr. Winchester, I know you want to go home, but if you’re not ready, further injury can occur.” His tone went from peppy to serious in less than a minute; Dean was a little surprised. “If you want to be completely healthy and well, you have to be honest,” 

“I’m being honest,” Dean retorted, “I feel much better than I felt seven days ago,” 

Although he still wasn’t entirely convinced by Dean, he checked Dean’s vitals. After a quick yet thorough examination, he scribbled a few things on Dean’s chart. “Your vitals look good enough, so I’m okay with sending you home today,” Dean didn’t get a chance to celebrate because the doctor continued, “however, I’m setting limitations,” 

Dean deflated. “What kind of limitations?” 

“No lifting over ten pounds and no strenuous activity for a week,” he said, “that includes work.”

Dean shot a look over to Cas as if asking for approval. He simply shrugged, so the green eyed man gave his answer, “I guess I can live with that,” 

He scribbled another few things on the chart. “Alright then you’re free to go,” He walked out and Dean all but shot out of bed, his gown falling in the process. 

Cas immediately looked away. Dean didn’t seem to notice or care because he just started gathering his things. “Uh Dean,” Dean turned around, giving Cas a full frontal view of his nudity. “You’re naked,” 

Dean just laughed and looked down. “Sorry, man.” He slipped on a pair of boxers and Cas instantly relaxed. Even still, Dean couldn’t help but get excited by the noticeable tent that the man was trying to hide in his pants. 

Dean hastily gathered the rest of his things and slipped on some clothes. “I’m ready,” he told Cas. 

Together they walked out of the hospital to Cas’s car. Dean automatically took Cas’s hand as they settled in for the 15 minute drive back to their house as if they’d been doing it for years. 

“Ellen’s missed you,” Cas said, breaking the silence that had fallen over them. 

Dean hummed. “I’ve missed her too. It feels like a it’s been a lot longer than a week,” 

The silence returned after that, resting over them like a thick blanket. When they finally did arrive home, Dean was ecstatic. Finally he could be back where he belonged--with Cas. 

“Are you hungry?” Cas questioned when they got inside. 

“Not really,” Dean replied, snaking his arms around Cas’s shoulders. Truth be told, Dean was hungry, but it wasn’t for food. Just seeing Cas made him alight with want. Ever since his first night, he’d had dreams of he and Cas taking their relationship to the next level. 

Cas returned his embrace and leaned in for a kiss. He brought his hands to the front of Dean’s chest and ran them across the clothed skin firmly, albeit gently so that he didn’t hurt him. Dean let out a breathy moan at the action. 

Cas felt himself grow hard at the sound and instinctively grinded his hips into Dean’s. The effect was much more than the blue eyed man was expecting. Dean pushed him back against the couch and straddled him, grinding into him even farther. 

“Fuck,” Cas breathed, his erection growing nearly painful. It was pretty pathetic, really. Here he was a grown man nearly blowing his load over some grinding. 

Dean laughed at the man beneath him. “You’re already so hard for me,” he whispered, rocking back and forth against him. 

“Dean, please,” Cas gasped. 

“Tell me what you want, Cas,” Dean whispered. He moved down lower, now straddling his legs. 

“Your hands, your mouth, anything!” He cried. Dean smiled and slowly undid his pants, teasing the man as much as he possibly could. His fingers raked down his legs as he removed the articles of clothing, making goosebumps form wherever his hands touched. 

When Cas’s member was fully uncovered, Dean stared at it like a kid who just walked into a candy shop. He leaned his head in and started to kiss and nip his way across his sharp hipbones, making Cas squirm. Finally, after Cas was a moaning mess of a man, Dean finally took the tip of Cas’s erection into his mouth, sucking on it slowly. The man immediately snapped his hips forward, trying to get Dean to take more, but Dean held his hips in place and continued to suck on the tip. 

Cas’s hands found their way into Dean’s hair, pulling it softly. “Oh fuck,” he sighed, his breathing completely ragged. Dean slowly took more of Cas into his mouth, covering as much as he possibly could and then swirling his tongue around it. “Dean!” He gasped, “please!” 

Dean began to bob his head, setting a quick pace. “I’m not gonna last!” He cried. Dean watched Cas through half lidded eyes. His head was tossed back in ecstasy, the sweat on his skin rolling down his taut throat. His chest heaved with pleasure, his moans and cries rumbling through him like thunder on a quiet night. Dean was having a hard time keeping himself together at the sight. His already painfully hard member strained against his pants and he knew that he was close as well. 

“Ah! Dean!” Cas yelled. He shuddered as he came into Dean’s mouth. Dean swallowed as best he could, but some of it ended up dribbling down his chin. Cas’s stiff body began to relax as he came down from his high and Dean realized that he had come as well. It was a little embarrassing for him to have come without even being touched, but that was just the effect that Cas had one him. 

Cas got up and gently pushed Dean over. “Let me…” 

He cleared his throat and his face turned a bit red. “I already, uh, you know,” he gestured to his pants. 

“Oh,” Cas said, a little surprised. 

“Sorry, I just--” he sighed, “you’re so fucking gorgeous when you’re moaning and writhing like that under me, I couldn’t help it,” 

Cas laughed lightly and laid next to Dean. “It’s okay, Dean, I’m not mad,” he lightly touched Dean’s stubbly cheek and Dean leaned into his caress, “in fact,” he continued, “I think we need to take a shower to clean up,” 

He had a devious looking smile on his face and Dean couldn’t refuse. However, it was probably one of the most inefficient showers he’d ever taken. Let’s just say that no one really got clean that night. 


	13. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a year since he'd come home from the hospital and now, after surviving the bad hand he'd been dealt, will Dean finally be able to live a normal, happy life?

A year passed in the blink of an eye. Cas’s bakery was in full swing, Dean was a new uncle to a baby girl named Mary, and honestly, things couldn’t be better.

“Dean!” Ellen yelled, “get in this kitchen right now!” 

He jogged to the kitchen, hoping he wasn’t in too much trouble. “What’s wrong?” 

“Jo just told me that you worked a swing last night,” she said as if he had committed a crime. 

“Yeah, so?” he asked, shrugging his shoulders. 

“Ash was supposed to work that shift,” she chastised. 

“I told him I would cover for him,” Dean leaned up against the wall, yawning, “it’s fine,” 

“No it’s not fine,” Ellen retorted, “You’re not a machine Dean. Go home and get some sleep,” a fiendish smile crossed her face. “Besides, a little birdy also told me that today is a special anniversary…” 

“Is that birdy the blonde haired devil?” He asked loud enough so that Jo would be able to hear him from the office. 

“Hey!” A muffled Jo yelled back. 

Dean laughed and managed to make Ellen chuckle a little. “Seriously though, Dean,” she began, “why didn’t you ask for the day off or something?” 

“Sometimes you two forget that Cas _owns _a restaurant,” he replied, “I need something to occupy me for the rest of the day,”__

“Well that’s too bad because I’m telling you to go home.” Ellen ordered, her voice edged with the finality of a mother’s tone, “Now.” 

“But Ellen!” Dean protested. 

“No buts.” She held up a finger and Dean knew he’d lost the fight. Pouting, he took off his apron and Ellen snatched it from his hands. 

“And don’t let me catch you with an apron on until Sunday,” She added. 

“It’s Thursday!” Dean exclaimed, “That’s three days!” 

“Did I stutter?” Ellen replied placing her hands on her hips. 

“No ma’am,” he relented. 

“Besides, I’m sure you and Cas will find _something _to do,” she said, winking. Dean blushed a little and rolled his eyes. “Now get out!” she mock yelled, hitting him on the behind with the apron.__

“Alright, alright,” he surrendered, his hands up. He left the restaurant and hopped into the Impala, Bon Jovi blaring from the radio the second he started the car. Smiling, he drove the familiar road home and smiled. After all he’d been through since he’d come home, he was finally able to say that he was happy and he owed most of that to Cas. 

When he pulled in the driveway, he was surprised to find that Cas’s car was in the driveway which was odd since Cas always takes his car on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He just shook his head. He must of decided to run this morning because he specifically remembered Cas telling him he was working last night. He turned off the car just as his favorite Kansas song ended and getting out of the car, he started the walk up the path to the house. 

When he walked in the house, the first thing that hit him was the smell of apple pie. He rushed to the kitchen hoping to find his lovely boyfriend, but instead a spotless dark kitchen greeted him. On the counter sat a note. _’if you can find me, you get the prize’ ___

Dean smiled and started to roam the halls of their house. The first place he looked was in their bedroom, but he came up empty handed. From there, he checked the rest of the bedrooms and still, nothing. Dean narrowed his eyes, trying to think harder. The only thing that Cas loved more than cooking was reading, so he went upstairs to the attic/library and found a lovely sight. In the room were three things he absolutely adored; Cas, pie, and wine. Cas’s back was turned and as he tiptoed towards him quietly, he heard Cas talking. He seemed to be talking to no one in particular, but against his better judgement, he listened without making himself known.

“I loved you for so long and I was wondering if--” He sighed and shook his head, “Dean will you--” He sighed once more and let his head fall onto this hands. 

“Jeez, Cas, just spit it out,” Dean remarked, making Cas spin around in the chair and nearly fall on the floor. 

“Oh, Dean! I didn’t know you were here,” he said nervously. 

“Happy Anniversary, babe!” he exclaimed, walking up to him and giving him a long deep kiss. Almost sitting in his lap, he grabbed Cas’s face and pulled him even harder against against him, the kiss making Cas go limp. 

After they pulled away, Cas still looked like he was going to pee himself. “What’s wrong babe?” Dean asked. 

“Dean,” he started, as if reading a memorized script, “I love you more than anything. Today marks the year anniversary that you walked into my life and though it was rough at first, we pulled through and now I feel like the happiest man on the planet,” He pulled Dean to his feet and kneeled down. Immediately, he knew what was going on. Shock and anticipation ran through him as Cas pulled out a small box. “I’m not promising that it’s always going to be easy, and I can’t guarantee that there won’t ever be problems, but I swear to you that I will love you with all that I am. Dean Winchester, will you give me the gift of being mine and marry me?” 

Dean collapsed on his knees in front of the man so that they were on the same level. Pressing his body into Cas’s, he kissed him so hard, it nearly tipped them backward. The blue eyed man smiled in the kiss and began to kiss back with equal passion. They separated after a few moments and Dean grinned. “Of course I’ll marry you,” 

Cas opened the black box to reveal a small gold band with a rectangular blue gem in the center. Taking it out, he slipped it on Dean’s left ring finger and kissed his hand after he did. Dean’s stomach growled and Cas laughed. “I guess you’d like your prize, huh?” 

Dean smiled, “You mean you weren’t it?” 

Cas kissed him on the cheek. “I figured that we could have the same meal we first shared together,” 

“Well what are we waiting for?” Dean asked, eyeing the apple pie like a predator, “let’s dig in,” 

Dean smiled in content as he ate his pie with his fiancee. After all this time, after all the hardships that they’d endured, they had forged a new life from the ashes the past had left behind. Dean had found his cure and as they laughed and ate and drank, he couldn’t help but think what a wonderful life laid ahead of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a long road to completion, but I hope there are some of you who haven't given up on this story. Life has been hectic, but I have finally given this story a proper ending. I hope you all liked it and I would love to hear from some of you in the comments.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second attempt at a multi-chapter Destiel, so I hope you enjoy!


End file.
